It's Okay

I have learned over the years that you never know what someone is going through in their lives. Some people are very open and transparent about their grief, while others choose to tuck that pain away. Maybe it is an "out-of-sight, out-of-mind" kind of thing. I confess I often walk both sides of that fence, but it never fails that when I confide my brokenness with someone, I am usually filled with encouragement, love and healing.

That is not to say that some feelings and struggles are not private and personal, but it does help to lighten the load when you confide in someone you trust, that perhaps has walked a similar path and can help you walk yours.

Grief as a Caregiver

Grief can present itself in a different way when you are faced with the role of being a Caregiver.

You grieve the person your loved one once was and you quickly realize your role as a wife, husband, mother, father, daughter, son etc... is about to be transformed. And you are never quite prepared for how exhausting, painful, and transformational this experience can be.

Your physical, mental, and spiritual endurance will all be tested and often there is no consideration of your own physical and emotional well-being, because you are riding on love, fear, and adrenaline at 100 miles-an-hour.

Staying planted in your faith and having a good support structure can help keep you grounded and focused. Having someone to talk to in those difficult times was worth everything to me. It is important to make that time for yourself. Being a grief coach to others has taught me the importance of having that "sounding board", that person who can help navigate you through this difficult time. We are not meant to journey these times alone.

“When you see obstacles in your path and it seems you are unqualified for the task at hand, know that you will not really be doing the work. God will. He will give you the slingshot to slay your giants or the power to part the seas.” -Kozar and Woody, Babes with a Beatitude

It's Times Like These That you Learn to Live Again

5 stages of grief: (plus one)

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

Learning to Live Again

When going through the grief process you may or may not experience each of the first 5 stages and in no particular order. Some people experience them all while others only go through a few. But Learning to Live Again is an important stage that everyone will go through when figuring out what their "new normal" looks like.

When you are on your own, navigating through everyday life and trying to see how and where you fit in the lives of your friends and family. When you are looking at that person in the mirror and trying to identify with that solo individual who has gone through a tremendous life change, or when you are just simply trying to get through the minutes.

These are all part of the process of Learning to Live Again and it is healthy, hard, and healing.

New Identity

It was difficult in the midst of the crippling pain to try and defeat that enemy who had come to defeat me and steal my joy. There was a stranger inside of me now, one that had no identity, yet was struggling to be known. I could stand in front of the mirror and see the same outer shell but could no longer identify with that person at the core. I did the only thing I had the strength to do and that was cling to what God had promised me: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

God wants us to have a rich and satisfying life.

I began to very slowly re-discover my new identity, but all the while my Heavenly Father would gently remind me that my "true" identity has always been and will always be found in Him and each time that confirmation would flood my soul I would sense more strength, a clearer perspective and feel a little more secure. God was pruning me and it was painful, but always so needed. Suddenly the title "widow" that once seemed so hard to even whisper was being spoken about often—and with a God filled story surrounding it.