A long day at Mayo, but I feel like so much was accomplished. I would say the last couple of weeks (particularly the last week) has been the worst so far. One of the appointments we had today was a check-up in oncology. When Nick stepped on the scale, I could not believe it, since last Thursday he has lost 7lbs, and his blood pressure so high. He has pretty much become disabled in the last week. Not eating, not much drinking, VERY weak, pale, pretty much confined to the bed.
After a lot of prayers, tears, and a very long discussion with the oncologist Dr. Dyer (who was filling in for Dr. Kim today), Nick has made the decision not to continue chemo. They have to be able to get him to a full dose of 800mgs...he is only on 400mgs. Even at full dose, we just learned today IF it were to work (15-20% response rate) studies show it typically prolongs life a couple of months. In addition, Dr. Dyer said he is not comfortable increasing the dose based on the response Nick is already having. He is suffering. Nick says he wants to enjoy what time he has left. He misses church, seeing his friends, just the simple things he was able to do a couple of weeks ago and now cannot. He says it is more important for him to have quality over quantity.
As you can imagine it was a very tough decision, but hear me me when I say this, I know without a doubt two things....he has made the best decision for him, we have immense peace about it, and Dr. Kim being out today was no mistake. God knew who and what we needed when we went there today. Dr Dyer was so tender and what a Godly man!! Not only did we discuss the medical part of all this, but we dove into the spiritual as well. It was so great to speak with a Doctor that knows the power of God (and not just of medicene). Hopefully, in a few days Nick will start feeling somewhat better, at least to the point of being able to get out of bed and enjoying some of the things he was doing before the chemo. Who knows maybe he will feel like going to church Sunday!
As Nick struggled with making this decision, we talked a lot about the gift of wisdom that God gives you. He offers it to us generously and freely.
James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
I was reading one of my many devotionals the other day (thank you Lord for my devo's...I am a devotional junkie!!) and it said "His wisdom has nothing to do with the graduate degrees but everything to do with a humble willingness to sit in the school of the Holy Spirit." That was a stand up, raise my hands, and shout amen moment for me!!! Use God's word to gain genuine wisdom. Because we trust God wholly, and the wisdom he has so graciously given us, we can be at peace with the decisions we make (big or small). That is the peace we walked away with today and we give all the credit to our sweet Heavenly Father for that.
We have several appointments next week for CT scans, MRI's etc. Our prayers for a miracle are still laid at His feet daily. We also continue to pray for no additional paralysis. I look forward to Nick regaining some strength and hopefully being able to resume some normal activity in his life.
Praying faithfully for so many of our friends right now that are going through struggles of their own. Keeping our trust in God for His wisdom and guidance and knowing He will provide comfort and peace in the days to come.
We love and appreciate you with all our heart and soul!!
In the Glorious Name of Jesus,
The Badidas
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