Sunday, January 23rd, 2011

It really has been an uneventful few days until later this afternoon. I had been w Nick all morning, he was sleeping peacefully and looked ok. Left the room for about 45 minutes or so and upon returning I notice Nick looked pail, breathing sounded different, when I asked him what was wrong, he said the word pain, so I knew he had to be in pain, I asked where, he said all over. I do think his pain is increasing but he is so sedated it is hard to communicate that. But I also think that his disease is taking over. The nurse said his respiratory was lower then usual at that time. She called the doctor and they increased the pain meds just a little. His heart rate has increased, color has changed, but his respiration is at a good level for now. They are continuing to monitor it around the clock.

To try and make a very long story short, during the midst of this today, I met a nurse named Marsha. She began to tell me the story of when Nick was sleeping at the nurses station last week, she said he was talking out loud, very plainly saying "thank you for being patient with me, I dont understand why this is happening to me, but you are so nice and kind and the angels beautiful and I dont understand, but I am going to trust you" and then he would cry a lot, talk some more, and even laugh a little. Marsha got some other nurses to come and listen, she said she knew he was talking to Jesus, she said you could just tell. Friends and family let me say in my heart I have no doubt!! Nick was talking to his Heavenly Father. I hope you find encouragement & peace in this. To know someone you love is having a conversation with Jesus and is going to spend an eternity with Him is so amazing, I cannot even express it in words.

I also want to share something with you and it is kind of sensitive, but it is on my heart in a big way. This Wednesday will mark our 4 week stay in Hospice. So needless to say, I have seen several patients come and go. I always noticed that they bring in the rolling bed with a burgundy velvet blanket when someone has passed. I was so touched at what I witnessed yesterday. They had to pass by our room as they left with a sweet, elderly woman. We knew what had happened because we saw them go into her room. As they passed by I noticed she was covered only from the chest down by the velvet blanket and they had laid a single rose upon her chest. I do not know why, but I found that to be so amazingly tender.

I began to think about how I will feel the day they bring the blanket for my sweet man. I want and hope to see that velvet blanket as a symbol of the warmth and comfort that Nick will feel in the arms of his Heavenly Father and that the rose will symbolize the eternal life that he has finally found in God's marvelous Kingdom.

I am holding on so tightly to my King right now. Clinging to His promises of eternal life with no more pain and suffering. I do not know what the next several days will bring, although my heart feels we are soon approaching the day when Nick will be set free. Please know sweet friends and family we are also clinging to your prayers and love. I tell Nick everyday how much he is loved and prayed for. Thank you for blessing us always.

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord!

The Badidas