September 6th, 2012

This particular blog has come up a few times over the last several weeks. I have had readers share some their own stories about their most special prayer times taking place from their recliners, couch, dinner table, etc. I realized I had forgotten all about the "recliner" and that special picture of Nick sitting in it reading his Bible. Hearing those stories prompted me to find it. After reading it I felt led to re-post. I love that God doesn't care where we choose to delve into His Holy Word or pray...He just wants us to do it and He wants to spend that intimate time with us.  

Originally Posted October 21st, 2011:

The photograph above is a priceless one to me. I took it one morning when Nick was sitting in his recliner reading his Bible. He was so engulfed in what he was reading, he was unaware that I even took the picture.

Nick spent a lot of time in that burgundy recliner. I don't know why, but since losing him, we just would not or could not sit in it again. It took me a while to do it, but I finally let it go and now a very sweet lady and her husband are enjoying it. That makes me happy!

That chair was often a place where Nick found rest and comfort when he was weak and weary both physically and emotionally. I would see him sitting there many times just praying.

Then today as I was standing at the kitchen sink and I looked up and saw the empty space where that chair once was, the first thing that came to my mind was this sweet picture of Nick reading his Bible.

It's funny how you don't aways see the lessons in things until God is ready for you too. I smiled when I thought of how that recliner was kind of like Nick's altar, even when he wasn't able to go to church, it didn't stop him from sitting there praying or reading scriptures.

I thought God doesn't care where I choose to pray or read my Bible at. He just yearns for me to do it! He wants to spend that one on one time with me through prayer and through His word. It is always nice to have that quiet place, where there are no distractions and you can really just pour your heart out, but often times we do not have the convenience of doing that. Many times I find myself praying right in the midst of all the chaos. My favorite time to pray has become my morning walks, sometimes it's with the praise and worship music blaring on my iPod, and sometimes it's just me laying it all out to my Heavenly Father.

The memory of Nick praying from his chair reminds me that there are no limitations, guidelines or rules that should stop me from praying or spending time in God's word.

Prayer offers us the chance to express our thankfulness, our faith, our love and our hopes to God and through His word we are able to find guidance, peace, assurance and strength. Find your time and place to pray and spend some time reading His word, no matter where or when it is, God will be there!

Some have been to the mountain. I have been to my knees by the side of my bed.

~Robert Brault

Many Blessings,

Tammy

Aug 23th, 2012

I felt like it was time to clean out "the" closet...Nick's closet. I knew he wanted his clothes donated to a charity that would get good use of them. How did I know this? Because in true Nick style he made it known! I had contemplated doing this a while back, but I just wasn't quite ready. I have taken a few things down here and there around the house. I think I do it little by little, trying to fool myself into thinking I am not really changing or removing things that have to do with him.

I started off strong! With each folded shirt, a memory would come to my mind of Nick wearing it. This tall, handsome man looking so debanaire and smiling that contagious smile of his. Folding his ties, I would remember how many of them were Father's Day gifts from the kids. His favorite pair of jeans that I threatened to throw away on many occasions.The sweater vest phase! Just so many memories. It was kind of nice to reminisce a bit, think about the good times, and see his face so clearly. As I continued to pack things up I would often hear his laugh echoing in my head.

 I had packed it all up, labeled and placed by the front door, then I turned back to look at it all... I felt that lump in my throat and my eyes began to water up as I realized I had packed up a closet full of wonderful memories. It wasn't about the clothes, it was about the man that wore them. 

Sometimes my life tends to get a little out of whack. Whose doesn't, right? I cannot express to you how doing things like this will put things back into focus for me. As small as this may seem to some, it is huge to a widow who is striving to move forward and find her new place in a new life, even seventeen months later. It takes a lot of mental and emotional strength to tackle things like this. But, I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. (Phil 4:13) Amen!

After I folded and packed those clothes my heart begin to grieve over a perspective that I seemed to have lost. It is something I have known, yet I am ashamed to admit I still let it elude me from time to time.  That perspective is a constant awareness that this life is fleeting. We are not guaranteed our next breath. Every moment we have is a true gift from our King of Kings and we should be living accordingly.

But what makes that so hard to remember? Life is full of distractions, stresses and just stuff. That's why it is important to lead a God first life by thanking and praising Him continuously, especially during the storms. Seeking out and searching God's approval only, and not that of man. Finding your freedom in Christ is a priceless treasure and can bring you a peace and acceptance in yourself like nothing else can. But it is called a "daily walk" for a reason! Placing God above all else in your life is the most rewarding daily habit you can have and can help you to live your life to the fullest.

 "Live not one's life as though one had a thousand years, but live each day as the last." --Marcus Aurelius

 "So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12 

Thank you family and friends for continuing on this journey with me. Your support means so much to me and your encouragement is always a blessing. 

In His Name,

Tammy 

August 17th, 2012

Most of us have probably heard one or more of these sayings before: "Change is good," "The more things change, the more they stay the same," "Change is coming," or "Embrace the change!" 

Yes, change is inevitable, and we will all face it to some degree in our lives. Often times it can be welcomed and much needed, while other times it can swoop in, turn your world upside down and leave you wondering what happened. Sometimes we bring about the changes, but not always. 

I have definitely had my share of changes over the last several years. I have to say as I look back, those changes were life transformations for me. I was one of those people that did not welcome change in my life with open arms. I was content with just being who I was, thinking everything was good, and that there was no need to rock the boat. But friends, God saw me and my life much differently. He knew the changes that were coming. He saw the crossroad I would be standing at long before I even had a hint of anything. 

 I had two choices once that storm hit in my own life. I could have become very bitter and just turned away from everything good. I could have allowed the enemy to grab a hold of me and run. I could have just given up. But something began to change in me, a peace that I had never felt before flooded my heart and soul, so I chose to cling to that peace and the One who brought it to me. It wasn't, nor is it always easy. But with all the changes I had to continually face, there was One constant source of love, peace and grace: Jesus! 

Hebrews 13:8 tell us that Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Because I had come to know this truth I began to embrace the changes taking place in me. I knew I would not always like the changes in my life, but I had to get through them to get to the point God wanted me at. And as I always confess to you I am a constant work in progress. The Bible tells us that when we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we should change. (2 Corinthians 5:17 NLT  "This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!") Does this mean we are not going to sin or life is going to be perfect? No, it means we have a fresh start to begin our new life in Christ and strive to become better and have a real heart transformation. 

I don't know what changes you may be facing. It may be the loss of job, divorce, financial difficulties, illness...the list can be endless really. You could be standing at that same crossroad that I stood at, wondering where to go? Who to turn to? I want to encourage you to embrace the change that God is wanting to set forth in you. Get with a friend, open your Bible and begin to read. Find a church and get plugged in or get on your knees and just begin to open your heart and talk to God. Many of these were all changes I needed to make in my own life.     

My prayer in sharing with you all is never to sound "preachy" but only to share about my own hurts and struggles and how choosing to walk closer with my Heavenly Father has been the biggest and most welcomed change of my life.  

I love, appreciate and pray for you all. 

Blessings Always,

Tammy

July 13th, 2012

It has been a while since I last felt lead to blog. Sometimes you just have to step back, give it a break and wait for your heart to lead you. I am always humbled by others checking on us when I haven't written in a while to make sure we are doing okay. Thank you!

 An update:

I am eagerly waiting on that next phase of my life to begin.I am trusting and believing that it will involve me being employed! I know God is working on my behalf and that He will answer my prayer in His perfect timing. I see things beginning to change in that area, and although I am somewhat anxious, I have to say I am also very excited at what the future has in store for me. It has been a long time since I felt like that. Starting over at 46 years old is no easy task! But I have to say I am ready and I thank the Lord for getting me to this point. I am always so blown away at God's impeccable timing with things. He always knows what I need and when I need it. Amen!

Aaron is doing great! He is still on course with his plan--God's plan, that is-- and since graduating I have seen him really start to relax and just enjoy this time before starting his busy schedule in August. It gives me such great joy to see him happy, content and pursuing the call that has been placed on his heart.

We recently spent July 4th celebrating with a tradition that we started with Nick probably 7 years ago. We go to Amelia Island, eat dinner with friends, and watch the fireworks on the beach. I think the sweetest part of that night was when Aaron and I were driving home, I started tearing up and said "I was really thinking about your Dad so much tonight" and Aaron said "So was I". I realized as time goes on those are some very sweet and sacred moments between me and my boy.

Although life is certainly not always easy, it has become manageable and for that I am so very grateful. I look forward to getting my next FACES story written and posted. Writing for me, whether it is my story or someone else's has been an immense blessing. This blog has become part of me and my life. I have laughed, cried, grieved, and grown through every post. But what I am most proud of is how my Heavenly Father has been present and glorified throughout.

Recently at church, a friend looked at me and said "God's not finished with you yet." Wow! Those words opened the flood gates of my heart. I needed to be reminded of that, I think we all do. Many times we feel like we have reached "the end" of something in our lives, losing a loved one, divorce, loss of a job, etc., and  those things do bring a certain kind of finality, but it is not the end for us. We still have life, a life that God wants to bless abundantly and use to glorify His name. This is your chance to pay forward to others the grace, mercy and love that has been extended to you during your time of need, a unique opportunity to have a real heart change, a chance at a new life, a life God has designed specifically for you! Amen!

In closing, I want to say I am so thankful for each and every reader of this blog. I am grateful for your encouragement over the last couple of years and for sticking with me on this journey. I am always so very humbled when anything that I write helps another human being in any way. The credit belongs solely to my Heavenly Father for without Him the paper would stay blank.

Much love and many blessings,

Tammy