A Widows View

Definition of a widow: A woman who has lost her husband by death and has not remarried.

 I write this blog with a heavy heart this evening. Sadly, a couple of my friends have recently lost their husbands and I know the pain that their hearts are experiencing as they begin the journey to healing and rediscovering who they are.

The definition above seemed so matter-of-fact when I read it because personally it has taken me over two and half years to accept that title, a title that I felt carried so much pain and loneliness. I always felt there was some sort of stigma attached to it. But as time has passed and healing has begun to penetrate my heart, I realized that "label" is a chance to share a testimony of faith, hope and love.

Becoming a widow is something that doesn't have to be in vain in my life. I have the ability to turn into something that is good…something that is God. 

It was difficult in the midst of the crippling pain to try and defeat that enemy who had come to defeat me and steal my joy. There was a stranger inside of me now, one that had no identity, yet was struggling to be known. I could stand in front of the mirror and see the same outer shell but could no longer identify with that person at the core. I did the only thing I had the strength to do and that was cling to what God had promised me:   “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” God wants us to have a rich and satisfying life. 

I began to very slowly re-discover my new identity, but all the while my Heavenly Father would gently remind me that my "true" identity has always been and will always be found in Him and each time that confirmation would flood my soul I would sense more strength, a clearer perspective and feel a little more secure. God was pruning me and it was painful, but always so needed. Suddenly the title that once seemed so hard to even whisper was being spoken about often—and with a God filled story surrounding it.  

Yes, I am a widow by the sense of the dictionary's definition, but I am so much more than just that definition in God's eyes and in the eyes of those who love me. What the past 2 ½ years have taught me about being a widow is that I am worthy of happiness again, that I am strong enough to survive the loss of someone so precious to me, and that being a widow doesn't have to be something I deny, but instead that I can embrace with a heart that is—praise God—healing more each and every day. 

I am no longer afraid to say that word and accept that role. It is only by the grace and power of my Heavenly Father that I can testify to this healing which in itself is a miracle.  

I pray for my friends and for all who are experiencing this pain. Please know there is hope and there will be happiness again, it will be different and your priorities will change...they should. But you will, by the loving grace of God, survive this time. Know that you are never alone and that your always loved and prayed for.  

A Blessed Widow,

Tammy

It's Okay Not To Be Okay

                     

"Sometimes when you can't breathe and your heart feels withered down and dry...God will send you someone that will breathe words of life into your soul. I never take for granted when God sends someone into my life with a word...His Word." 

I sent those words to an old friend several weeks ago after she reached out to me. This is a friend that I knew from high school and had not seen nor spoken too in quite sometime. She shared with me that every time she would drive by the Mayo Clinic she would pray for me and my family, and that to this very day, she still does. My heart melted as I was both thankful and blessed by her words.  

 As we continued catching up and sharing, my friend said something during our conversation that has really stuck in my mind. She shared how she always sees me as someone who has it all together. My heart sunk as she spoke those words, as I knew the real truth. I was far from having it all together, and if publicly I showed the bad days on the outside as often as I have them...would I still be a shining light for Christ? Would people still love me for me, in spite of the mess going on inside? I confess some days I put on that "denial" mask. After all, that is way better than having to deal with the huge hurdles on my path. Can anybody relate? 

I have learned over the years that you never know what someone is going through in their lives. Some people are very open and transparent about their trials, while others choose to tuck that pain away. Maybe it is an "out-of-sight, out-of-mind" kind of thing. I confess I often walk both sides of that fence, but it never fails that when I confide my brokenness with someone, I am usually filled with encouragement and love. That is not to say that some feelings and struggles are not private and personal, but it does help to lighten the load when you confide in someone you trust and they in return show you God's grace and love.  

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.         1 Thessalonians 5:11

I am most surprised to find out that when I let my guard down, so will those around me. Then the layers start to peel off and we see a softer side to one another. We can begin to relate on a deeper level, maybe even form a lifelong friendship. I know I have been immensely blessed to have that happen in my life on several occasions. It is a strange, but wonderful thing, how pain and suffering can bind two people together. 

By yourself you’re unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst.
Can you round up a third? A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped.                    Ecclesiastes 4:12 (MSG)

So, to answer the first question: would I still be a shining light to Christ? Absolutely! Probably even a little more brightly, as others will hopefully see how God is using me and how He is helping me to mend and grow stronger through all my sorrow and pain. I pray that people will see HIS light in me brighter than ever, even when I cannot see it in myself. 

But then we ask, will people still love me for me, in spite of the mess going on inside? Of course they should! Now, I am not going say you won't lose a few folks here and there as you are on the path to healing, and friends, that's okay. Sometimes God does the weeding out for our own good, but there will be those who love you unconditionally and see you through the eyes of Jesus, who will love you past your faults, sorrows and pains. Those 

people are the body of Christ in it's purest form and are the sweetest of blessings.

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galations 6:2 

You are a precious gem in the eyes of your Heavenly Father. Please know that what you may see as a mess others may see as a message of hope and strength. 

Blessings Always,

Tammy