September 15th, 2011

Lately, it seems like I been doing a lot reflecting about so many of the small things that I never expected to miss in my life. I feel a little naive that I actually even thought that way. What may have seemed so small and insignificant a couple of years ago, feels so big when it unexpectedly grabs a hold of my heart.

I miss just sitting on the couch in the evenings with my man, snuggling up so close to him and having that comfort of feeling so protected. I often said Nick was not only my husband, but my best friend and I miss being able to share my secrets with him. I miss having that person to take care of me when I am sick or just being there to talk to when I need to vent or need some advice. I miss having that person that would be in my corner no matter what! Nick was definitely my warrior!

You see it's the small things that you remember when someone is gone. Things that money or status can't give you. That close connection with another human being that you love, admire and long to be with. The simple, everyday things that most of us don't think twice about until we are faced with not having them in our life anymore.

What used to sound so cliche" to me, makes so much sense to me now. All those things we have all heard before. Don't take the people you love for granted. Take time to live, laugh and love with those that mean the most to you. Treasure those moments snuggling with your spouse and your kids.

I do feel like I have a new found appreciation for the smaller things in life now. I love just sitting with my son talking, laughing big and just watching him grow into the remarkable young man that God wants him to be. I just want to soak up every moment of it, because soon he will be venturing off to the next phase of his own journey. I try and take each thing that God blesses me with and bask in it. Notice I said I try! It's not always easy for me to slow down. Even though I will occasionally reflect on and miss the "small" things my choice is not to dwell in them, but instead be thankful for the abundant life that God has so graciously blessed me with now.

Family and friends that love, pray for, and encourage me are the "big things" in my heart and in my life.


“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” -Robert Brault
(in my opinion one of the best and truest quotes ever!)


Much Love and Many Blessings,

Tammy

September 6th, 2011

Grieving can be a different process for everyone. Cling to the things that are most important. Faith, family, and friends can pull you from any pit. Check out my latest article "Getting Through" at Shannon Miller Lifestyle/My Journey.

Thank you!!

Tammy

September 5th, 2011

I was doing a little back porch cleaning earlier today, hoping that soon I would be able to sit out there as the weather begins to cool down a bit. As I was sweeping, I looked down and saw a pair of slipper's that Nick used to wear on those brisk mornings that he would sit outside having his coffee and reading his Bible.

I thought today is the day I will get rid of these, after all they were so old and worn out, but just for a moment I slid them on. They may have been old and faded, but they felt warm and comfortable, it reminded me so much of our times on that back porch. Our longs talks, all the tears and laughter we had shared. It is wild how one little thing like a pair of dirty old slippers can bring on a flood of emotions so quickly.

I took them off and sat them aside as I continued my cleaning, only now with a big lump in my throat. As I was finishing up, I thought, "Why would I have such a hard time parting with a pair of old slippers? Is it what they represented to me now? Is it because I cannot bare throwing anything of his away?" Maybe a little of both.

As I write this through the tears I now realize that those slippers represented a lot of memories, many great ones and some very painful as Nick wore them a lot when he was ill. I knew that getting rid of a pair of slippers was not going to take away any memory I had stored away in my heart, and that just maybe throwing away that old pair of worn shoes would be a good step for me to take in continuing to heal and move forward. So, as hard as it was, I did it.

I know in my heart I don't need "things" to keep Nick's memory alive. He lives on through his children, and through the many countless lives that he touched during his time here and I know without a doubt his memory is kept alive through the words I write.

Thank you for letting me share my heart with you. Each blog that I write like this helps me to move forward on my journey in "Learning to Live."

Blessings Always,

Tammy

August 21st, 2011

A friend recently asked me how difficult it was to change my marital status to widow on

Facebook. Just a quick click of a button and I went from "we" to just "me." Those times can be painful, but they can also be stepping stones to healing.

No one ever thinks they will have to check that box on anything, but that is the season that I am in right now. I can either choose to embrace it and move on or deny it and stay right where I am at. Surprisingly, it comes up a lot. I recently received an invitation to an event and it asked me to RSVP for myself or myself, plus one. I will be honest...that was a tearful moment. Nick had always been my plus one. It definitely made think about the adjustments that I have made and will continue to have to make.

On paper it may say that I am widowed, but in my heart I am still married. I really have come to rely on my Heavenly Father for that boldness to step out on my own. He can and does give me that unshakable confidence to move forward. God is amazing about placing people in my life that encourage me through each trying time, and many tears. Sometimes, though, I feel like He wants me to go at things alone so He can continue to transform me into the woman that He knows I am capable of being. It is amazing the strength that you can and will gain when you have to take those big steps in life by yourself.

It feels very strange to me to be referred to or labeled as a widow. I am still Mrs. Badida, a mother, a sister, a friend, and a Christ follower who is just learning to live and I am so thankful and humbled that God is always there to be my plus one.

I wanted to share something with you from a daily devotional I recently read and found so encouraging:

Living in dependence on Me is a glorious adventure. You begin to see each day with joyful expectation, watching to see what I will do.You keep your plans tentative, knowing that My plans are far superior. When you depend on Me continually, your whole perspective changes.--Jesus Calling Daily Devotional

I hope it will encourage you too!

Blessings and Joyful Expectations Always,

Tammy

May 19th, 2011

Hello!

I wanted to let you all know my first article has been posted on Shannon Miller Lifestyle. I cannot tell you how excited and humbled I am to be able to share my heart and hopefully help others during their caretaking role. Please visit and read the article at the link posted: http://shannonmillerlifestyle.com/my-journey/your-life-is-about-to-change

I look forward to reading your comments as well as your own stories of struggles and triumphs as we continue on this journey together. Never be hesitant to share, as it helps us all grow.

Also, you may have noticed I have given the blog some sprucing up. I will continue to blog about "Learning to Live," as well as connecting you all with my articles for SML, so I hope you enjoy the changes.

A lot of readers were saying they wanted direct notification when new posts were added, so I have included a place on the page where you can submit your email address to subscribe to update notifications. Simply see the box to the right on the page, submit your address, and you will get an email notification to verify. I hope this makes it a little bit easier for everyone!

I am so blessed to have this opportunity to share what God has taught me through our experience.

Blessings everyone,
Tammy