Carla

Today was one of those days where I woke up and I immediately had that feeling of the “blues”. It is just one of those things you cannot control, but before my feet even hit the floor I began to pray that the Lord would intercede and help me to feel His loving and peaceful arms wrapped around me, and to please guide and direct my steps today.

So, I  began my morning routine, except today the tears were flowing pretty steadily. I got dressed and left the house to run my errands. In the midst of the running around and wiping the tears I received a call from my friend and hair stylist (who was just released from the hospital a few days ago) asking me if I wanted to come in for a little touch up since I missed my appointment last week. Of course I said yes!

As I arrived and walked into the salon I saw a lady sitting under the dryer, flipping through a magazine. I didn’t really pay much attention to her at first, until I got seated in the chair across from her and then we began to talk. She spoke about how she used to love having blonde hair and would hope to have it again, once her hair had grown back in some more. That statement quickly grab my attention! I went on to speak with this lovely woman in depth about being diagnosed with breast cancer back in 2010.

Her name is Carla, and she is my first unplanned, impromptu F.A.C.E.S. story. After speaking with her and seeing how she exuded a joy that was so contagious, I could not wait to get home and write about some of what she shared with me.

From the moment Carla began to speak she had such a radiant smile on her face. She spoke about being diagnosed at the young age of 52. I asked her how she found out that she had breast cancer? She said she went for her routine mammogram ("Mammo-on-Wheels" she called it!). She was subsequently asked to do a ultrasound and a biopsy. She went on to say she got that dreaded phone call at work telling her that she had cancer. Her mother had also been diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 61 and made a full recovery, but a few years later lost her battle to stage four colon cancer. Carla was certainly no stranger to the world of cancer. She really didn’t talk a lot about the medical end of things, except about the chemotherapy that led to her hair loss, and that she underwent 34 radiation treatments while continuing to work!

Carla was more eager to share about the support and care she has received from her family, friends, and co-workers. She enjoys playing tennis and shared with me a wonderful story of how her tennis team attended an annual tennis tournament that she always looked forward to going to, but due to her chemotherapy could not go that year. Her tennis team made little fans with a picture of her face on them and would take pictures of the fans in different places at the tournament. Her team told her “we are bringing you with us!” They even managed to get a professional tennis player to take a picture with the fan and autograph it! You could tell this was a memory etched forever in Carla’s heart. Her face beamed with joy as she told it. Another sweet story she passionately shared involved her co-workers who all wore pink (even the men) on the day she returned back to work after her surgery. Carla said it was quite a sight!

I feel like it is moments like that, that help bridge the gap of loneliness and fear that cancer patients often suffer through. Carla shared how she would meet other breast cancer patients, some that would be really sick as the disease had progressed, and others that had made it through and were doing well. She said she used to think how grateful she was that she was not as sick as some and how much hope it would bring her being able to see the ones who had conquered and made it through. She shared how she viewed this experience as a chapter in her life and she kept turning the pages.

When I asked her in what way did she feel like cancer had changed her, she said “I just don’t sweat the small stuff anymore.” Laughing, she said she surely doesn’t complain about having a bad hair day! I about fell out of my chair when she said that...talk about a quick reality check! All of a sudden the gray hairs didn’t seem that important anymore. And in the biggest, brightest smile Carla said the thing with chemo is that you also lose all your facial hair so it was nice not to have to worry about plucking or waxing for a while! Her attitude simply amazed me.

As she finished getting all dolled up, we exchanged emails, I took a quick picture of her and I told her I was going to write about her. She had inspired me with her positive spirit, her glowing smile and her willingness to be so open and share with me in hopes of helping others through their cancer journey. We may have been complete strangers when I walked in, but we definitely sparked a friendship that was ignited by common bond of a cancer journey. I was indeed blessed!

On my drive home I was smiling thinking about meeting Carla and how the weight of the world didn’t feel quite as heavy as it had. I was so thankful that the Lord had used Carla to bring some light into the darkness of my day. It was funny, I thought: I had no hair appointment, no intentions of going to that salon today, but my Heavenly Father had other plans for me.

I am reminded how God is always there to guide and direct our steps every single day. We just have to be willing to follow.  

Laura's Story

Although I never actually had the pleasure to meet Laura in person, I could tell just by talking with her that she had a very tender heart and a lot of determination inside of her. That determination was pretty much summed up in one of Laura’s favorite quotes, which I loved:  “When something bad happens you have three choices:You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you."

 Laura was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer which resulted in a double mastectomy in January of 2011. As with many breast cancer patients she has had to under go chemotherapy and radiation in the months to follow, and all at the young age of just 51. Laura’s battle has not been easy,  she has endured many complications from chemo and radiation. As with many cancer patients I have spoken with, Laura shared the heartbreaking stories of radiation burns and scarring, just one of the many side effects these courageous warriors have to battle.

Outside of the world of cancer, Laura has been married for 24 years and is a mother of two, a daughter Claire who is 22 and a son Billy who is a college freshman. She is a “snowbird” from Wisconsin and has called Orlando her home for the past 28 years, where her parents also have a home. 

I asked Laura to share about the day she had to break the news to her family that she had cancer. She said everyone really showed such strength and support, and that she found such comfort in her kids who would say to her “Mom, we are going to get through this!” Laura reminded me that kids are so much more resilient than we often give them credit for. 

Laura explained that telling her parents was very difficult. She spoke of how her mom carried such guilt and would often say “It should have been me, not you.” I am sure most mothers would feel that exact same way, because nobody but a loving mother could have that compassion and sympathy for their child. Laura comes from quite a large family, and having to get them together and tell them all was very emotional she said. At first they seemed to be in a state of shock and very melancholy, but quickly they realized that they would need to rally around her and move forward. Laura's situation really displays how often times the cancer diagnosis can bring forth conflicting emotions in those we love as they struggle to overcome their own fear to find the strength to offer support when it is needed most. 

She said that looking back she can remember feeling overwhelmed, yet so very thankful and extremely grateful for the love and support of her family, neighbors, and close friends. Laura so humbly said “We could not have made it without the love and prayers of those that rallied around us.” Laura said she has a huge box of cards and letters that people have sent her, and that she will often go back and re-read them and is reminded of how so many loved and cared for her. 

I am always so awestruck by the fight and willpower that cancer patients exude. Laura would say things like “I wasn’t going to give up, and I wasn’t going to give cancer a chance to take me over, I have way too much to live for.” When I hear these words of determination, I am often left speechless at the strength that our mighty God gives us when we are in the midst of a terrible storm. Laura had made that decision not let cancer define her, but to let it strengthen her instead. 

I could definitely relate to Laura’s story as she spoke of trying to keep a routine and a sense of normalcy in her day-to-day life. I think that is a very important part of life with cancer, whether you are the patient, a caretaker, or a family member. Laura said she wasn’t willing to sacrifice a second with her kids or what was going on in their lives. Decisions like these are the ones that make sure cancer doesn’t win. 

Laura is currently scheduled to under go reconstruction surgery this Wednesday and I am sure she would appreciate any and all prayers. She says she looks forward to getting back to volunteering which she very much enjoys doing. 

As we finished speaking, Laura shared with me how a friend had given her a devotional prayer book that she would read everyday and how she would find such great comfort and peace in it. I know that peace and comfort she speaks of. It is indeed one which is often far beyond anything we can truly comprehend.  

As I read back over my notes in preparation for writing this story, I remembered the  softness of Laura’s voice as she spoke and how she seemed a little shy. But that was only on the outside. On the inside she is strong, a fighter with an inner voice that screams out to continue to live life to the fullest. 

Judy

One of Judy’s favorite bible verses is Ephesians 6:11 “Put on the whole armor of God.” She said this was her way of thinking that God would protect her from the devil “cancer”.

Nevertheless, Judy said that she always felt she would receive that diagnosis. She had been diagnosed with fiber cystic disease when she was 25 years old, a diagnosis that made breast cancer more likely and more difficult to detect. 

The extent of what Judy had to go through medically is almost unbelievable. She elected to do things in steps and phases. She shared with me that she asked her doctor what her prognosis was, and that he told her she had a 50/50 chance. Judy decided immediately which side of those odds she was on: “I’ve decided ‘I’m going to win this.’”

Having walked through cancer with a loved one, I am always interested in how people initially contend with the news of their diagnosis. I asked Judy how she felt when she first received the news she had cancer. 

“I didn’t cry at first, I think I was in shock and got sick to my stomach.” Judy said she remembers making that call to her sister Jo to tell her the news. The words Jo spoke to her sister stayed in Judy’s head throughout her battle. 

“She told me that cancer is not a death sentence,” Judy said. She confided that she began to cry on her car ride home that day in an effort to get it all out before she had to break the news to her daughter, who was seven at the time and her mom and dad.

 Judy shared with me a memory of sitting at her first chemotherapy treatment and getting teary-eyed, because she didn’t know how it was going to make her feel. The fear of the unknown is a fear that can be haunting in any life-changing situation, particularly with cancer. Thankfully, she responded very well, and she returned to work part-time and did not miss a single day during her six-week radiation treatment.The warrior in Judy was coming out. 

As with many cancer patients, Judy talked about the sadness she felt when she started losing her hair and knew it was time to get her head shaved. She spoke candidly about the experience, “I didn’t care what I looked like, it was just the fact that everybody would know I was sick. I didn’t look sick with my hair, but I did without it.” I felt that Judy did not identify herself as a victim of cancer, and she did not wish for anyone else to either. 

The determination in Judy’s voice when I spoke to her inspired me so much. She would say things like “I made myself get up, get dressed, and do something everyday and it is easier to sit in a corner and feel sorry for yourself, then to stand up and fight.” She went onto say  “I wasn’t afraid to die, but I had a will to beat this, because I had adopted my niece who had already lost one mother. I didn’t want her to lose another.” 

I loved the testimony Judy shared, and how she spoke with conviction when she spoke of Scripture. “The Bible says in Jeremiah to ask your elders to anoint you with oil for healing.” Judy went to her deacons with this, and as they came one night to speak prayers of healing over her, she said she could feel the weight lifted from her shoulders. God responded. 

This past Thanksgiving was four years cancer-free for Judy, who is now 50 years old. Through her faith, determination, and the many prayers from her family and friends, Judy has survived. I think one of the most incredible things that I heard Judy say was “I believe that I am in a win-win situation, live or die, I cannot lose.” That is a faith that runs deep in heart and soul, knowing your eternity is set. I am reminded of that verse in Philippians, chapter one, which reminds us that “To live is Christ, and to die is gain.” 

I ended our conversation with asking Judy “How has having cancer changed you?” 

She replied “The younger we are, we see life like we can live forever. Cancer reminds you there are no guarantees. God only promises us the moments we are breathing.” 

Mara

I arrived at Mara’s (that’s MAH-rah) quaint home, and the first thing I couldn’t help but notice was the trellised fence with an arched gate absolutely covered in ivy. It was a little piece of old-world brought right to her backyard. 

I don’t really know where to start with Mara’s story. Though quiet, and sweet, she had a stoicism about her. I imagined it came from migrating to America from Hungary at the age of 12, and having to learn a new language as she came of age in a foreign culture, and that her years as a mother of three and wife taught her how to be strong for others. 

“She has a maturity and a sweet spirit about her,” Sheri, her neighbor and caretaker, said. 

Seeing Mara, who is only 53 years old, was a reminder of what cancer can and cannot take away. She spoke about how much she missed working with computers at Baptist Hospital and taking care of her two dogs and two cats. She reminisced about skiing in Austria and visiting her homeland. Her eyes lit up when she spoke of her husband and how she liked when he was home from work and would sit by her side. About her house hung beautiful quilts stitched by Mara herself. “That one has my daughter Abigail’s handprints stitched into it,” Mara said. As I sat and listened to her speak I could hear the love of a mother's heart pouring out.  

Yet Mara spends the day very tired, working with physical therapy and battling her glioblastoma multiforme brain cancer. Currently on chemotherapy, Mara experiences the weakness and the fatigue of fighting with extraordinary strength. Though radiation did not work, Mara shared the greatest advice a cancer patient can be given: “Don’t worry about the numbers, focus on recovery. Averages don’t matter.” We always said that God has His own timeline. I think Mara might agree. 

In just the short time I spent with Mara, I could tell she was loved. Her boss from Baptist Hospital stopped by to say hello and pick up a stove. Sheri, who put me in contact with Mara, came upon the opportunity to spend time and help take care of Mara after losing her job. I saw so many faces affected by cancer, so many lives that Mara’s journey was influencing. 

“Are you afraid of dying?” I ask her. 

“No.” 

“Is that because you know that you will spend that eternity in heaven?” 

“It’s hard, because you can’t be sure where you will go.” 

I knew in my heart the answer to that uncertainty, and those of us in the room began to talk about our faith and how the Lord brought us through our journey. We ministered by testimony, and Mara seemed to understand that we had found joy. 

A little while later, we asked her what brought her comfort in her frustration. She said she liked to think about what heaven might be like, imagining her grandfather’s old house and garden with all of her cousins there. It was a sweet vision, sweet like Mara. 
I thought Sheri’s words as we began to leave were poignant for any battle in life: “He’s weaving a beautiful tapestry that we can’t see yet through the tears of our broken heart.”  It was a perfect way to phrase Mara’s story. 

We closed in prayer, and I truly could feel the warmth and peace of the Lord in her home. I hoped she could begin to feel it too, and accept the gift of the eternity that was nearing. I received a text the evening after we met, and Mara had asked for a book about Jesus. I pray that Mara receives that gift offered to her so that, after all her suffering, she might get to spend time in that old house and garden with her King.


Since visiting Mara over two weeks ago she has taken a turn for the worse. She spent a few short days in hospice and is now at home where she will be able to rest peacefully, surrounded by her family. 


Yet, my heart is overjoyed that this story isn't quite finished. This morning Mara's friend Sheri prayed a prayer of salvation with her, and now Mara can be sure where she will spend eternity.


It has been a privilege for me to get a little glimpse into the life of this sweet, courageous  woman. 

January 3rd, 2012

Happy New Year everyone! I am looking forward to 2012 with so much hope and anticipation.

I have received several responses and questions about my last blog and my new venture. I cannot tell you how my heart jumps out of my chest every time I take a step forward on this. I do feel led to help others in their journey of "learning to live," and that is where F.A.C.E.S. (Fighting Against Cancer with Extraordinary Strength) comes in. I love to write, and I know the part it has played in my healing over the past year, so nothing thrills my heart more than to know I can help someone else on their journey through telling their story. 

I think pretty much every nightly prayer over the last year has included asking God for His guidance and direction in my life, for Him to show me the way and for doors of opportunity to be opened. F.A.C.E.S. has ignited a fire in my heart and a drive in me that I haven't felt for a long time. I never thought of myself in this role. I was terrified to approach anything that had to do with cancer after losing Nick. That's why I know the Lord must have His hand over this, because that fear has been replaced with a desire to reach out and grab the hand of others who have been on or are on a life-changing path that involves cancer.   

F.A.C.E.S. will highlight inspirational stories of men and woman who have cancer, have fought cancer, or have lost someone to cancer. I want their stories to portray the beauty, fight, and determination of  learning to live through their struggles and put a face with their story. I have learned sometimes the real stories are often shared through the expressions of the laughter and the tears. These will be real stories of hope from ordinary people who are becoming extraordinary through their journey. 

I will feature the stories here, just like I do my own personal updates (and will continue to do that from time to time). I hope to have the first F.A.C.E.S. story up within the next couple of weeks. You may know of someone that has an inspirational story to share, if so, I would love to connect with them. 

As always thank you for your continued support it means so much to me. 

Blessings Always,

Tammy 

December 29th, 2011

From December 29th 2010 blog:

God is certainly showering me and Aaron with His peace and His supernatural strength.How else could we be doing this? This journey requires us to walk so closely with our Heavenly Father and clinging to His promise to carry us and sustain us through anything.

Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4

On this day last year Nick was transferred into hospice, and it was without a doubt the most difficult transition of this journey. When I go back and read, I am always amazed how a year later the words I wrote back then are the same words I would still want write today. He did sustain us then as He continues to sustain us now. 

January 1st marks the official new year for everyone. For many, it is simply a time to change the calendar, but for others, the new year can represent a renewed hope. In my heart, I do not think my new year will begin until January 30th. That date signifies to me I have made it, I have survived the " year of firsts" without my husband. As that time approaches I can see myself standing at the threshold looking back, remembering all that God has brought me through, but also eagerly looking forward to all He has in store for me. 


This blog has been an immense source of healing for me. It is a treasure that I have been able to write openly and honestly with you all about my journey over the past year. Although, I know it was very sad to read at times, I hope you were able to see the true love story between a husband and wife. I pray you saw the strength of the Lord carry us through our grief and even provide us with laughter and joy along the way. 


I will continue to update on my journey periodically throughout 2012, but my passion and direction for this blog is changing and I am excited!  I look forward to sharing the stories of others. I have had the priviledge of meeting and befriending a few brave survivors, either recently diagnosed, in the midst of an illness, or "learning to live" after an illness or losing a loved one. My desire is to share their stories of hope and determination with you and to put a face with each of the stories. I can speak from my own experience of how sharing your story with others can bring comfort and healing. I will have more information to share on "F.A.C.E.S. (Fighting Against Cancer with Extraordinary Strength) " coming very soon. 


I want to wish you all a very blessed 2012 and thank you for supporting "Learning to Live" I look forward to having you all and many more on board next year as I know God has big things planned for F.A.C.E.S. 


Blessings,


Tammy 







  

August 9th, 2011

I hope you will read my latest article about Palliative care and share it with someone that may be in need of it and doesn't realize it is out there and available for them. It was a great blessing to our family.

Every week through your emails, posts, comments etc... I receive such conformation that I am doing what God has set before me to do. Sometimes it comes from the most unlikely of sources, something will be written or spoken and it humbles me to know that the words I share from my heart are helping another person in some way. Thank you so much sharing your journey with me.

http://shannonmillerlifestyle.com/my-journey/palliative-care-ask-for-it

May God continue to bless you all abundantly with His unconditional love and grace.

Tammy

August 2nd, 2011

Hi Friends and Family,

In this weeks article I am sharing a little of my personal journey in my article and hopefully providing some ways to process and cope with being a caregiver to a terminal patient.

http://shannonmillerlifestyle.com/my-journey/terminal-what-does-it-mean

It is a difficult subject to write and read about. Unfortunately, it is very real and touches the lives of so many around us. With each article that is posted I get responses from readers that I know and don't know and how they are able to relate to something I am writing about, that it helps them to know they are not alone during this trying time in their own lives.

We are never alone in our journeys, especially the difficult ones. I pray for us all to have what I call the three F's of walking through the fire....Faith, Family and Friends!

Thank you for your continued support and have a great day!

Tammy

June 21st, 2011

Hey friends, and greetings from Williamsburg, VA!

We are on the college touring circuit right now. It's a lot of fun, but the driving is exhausting! Either that, or I am too old for it!! This is our first "big" trip without Nick, but all his little nuggets of a wisdom sure are helping us.

It is beautiful here for sure. We are excited to see where God will lead Aaron at the end of this.

A new article has been posted today about getting organized at home as a caregiver. I think it offers some really practical advice, and hopefully it will help a caretaker or anyone that may experience challenges while taking care of a loved one at home.

Check out the article here, and please share!
http://shannonmillerlifestyle.com/my-journey/getting-organized-at-home

As always, I'd love to hear your feedback and personal stories. Thank you for your continued support and sharing.

Blessings,

Tammy Badida

New Article: Be a Healthy Caretaker-Part Two

Yay school is out!!! I hope you all have a great summer. The temperature is crazy already, but I feel blessed to live in a place where I have the opportunity to be at the beach in no time.

It is Tuesday and that means a new article is posted. I think this article even though really geared for caretakers can benefit everyone. I cannot tell you how much amazing feedback I have received and I thank you for that. So many of you have told me how you have shared these articles with people that you know could benefit from them. Also how the articles have been helping some you personally. That is my hope and purpose!!

I am also so blessed by your comments and stories. I read them all and I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to read and share. There are some really key issues in upcoming articles like the guilt we feel as caretakers, home health care, finding you joy and much more.

I hope you enjoy this weeks article:

http://shannonmillerlifestyle.com/my-journey/be-a-healthy-caretaker-part-two

Have a absolutely amazing day!!!

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, His love endures forever." Psalm 107:1

Tammy Badida

New Article: Be a Healthy Caretaker-Part One

If you are a caretaker I hope that this weeks article will be able to give you some good information on trying to keep yourself healthy. If you know someone that this article may help please forward it on. As always , I look forward to reading your comments and hearing your stories.

I cannot thank you enough for all of your support.

http://shannonmillerlifestyle.com/my-journey/be-a-healthy-caretaker-part-one


Have a blessed day!!

Tammy Badida

May 25th, 2011

Thank you all so much for your comments, and repostings on my first article. I wanted to let you know the second article has been posted on SML.

http://shannonmillerlifestyle.com/my-journey/getting-organized-at-the-hospital

Your stories inspire and encourage me as I continue to write. So thank you for sharing your hearts and I hope you will continue to do so.

Blessings Always,

Tammy

May 19th, 2011

Hello!

I wanted to let you all know my first article has been posted on Shannon Miller Lifestyle. I cannot tell you how excited and humbled I am to be able to share my heart and hopefully help others during their caretaking role. Please visit and read the article at the link posted: http://shannonmillerlifestyle.com/my-journey/your-life-is-about-to-change

I look forward to reading your comments as well as your own stories of struggles and triumphs as we continue on this journey together. Never be hesitant to share, as it helps us all grow.

Also, you may have noticed I have given the blog some sprucing up. I will continue to blog about "Learning to Live," as well as connecting you all with my articles for SML, so I hope you enjoy the changes.

A lot of readers were saying they wanted direct notification when new posts were added, so I have included a place on the page where you can submit your email address to subscribe to update notifications. Simply see the box to the right on the page, submit your address, and you will get an email notification to verify. I hope this makes it a little bit easier for everyone!

I am so blessed to have this opportunity to share what God has taught me through our experience.

Blessings everyone,
Tammy