A Heart Exchange

I was a woman of courage a few days ago! I decided to brave the crowds, search endlessly for that perfect parking spot and see for myself if there were really any great deals that I couldn't resist. Although I found a few here and there, what I kept noticing was the mass of amounts of people who seemed to be returning or exchanging gifts they had received.

As I stood in line to ring up what I considered to be my gem of a find, I could not help but overhear the lady in front of me telling the sales associate that she would like to exchange the beautiful watch she had received, but simply did not need, for a pair of small earrings, and to please put the remaining balance on a gift card that she could give to someone else.

She finished up and was smiling big as she walked away! I watched her take the earrings out of the bag and proudly put them on before she even left the store. I saw the watch sitting there that she had exchanged, and I knew the monetary value of it. I was in awe of that lady at that moment. I thought she had just made a great exchange! And it had nothing to do with the gift! She seemed more than happy to give up that big, flashy, expensive watch for a small, simple pair of earrings and a gift card that she could pay forward. She was content!

I couldn't stop thinking about that woman and her willingness to exchange the big for the small...or what the world would view as such. I thought about what would I be willing to exchange or replace to have that contentment and peace that I saw her walk away with. Maybe it wasn't a material item that I would need to exchange, but instead an exchange in my heart. 

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way.--Psalm 139:23-24

When is the last time you got down on your knees and ask God to help you examine your heart and maybe do a little exchanging to get rid of that heaviness that is weighing you down? What would set you free and bring you that peace and contentment? Perhaps bitterness for forgiveness, anger for gladness, hate for love, acceptance for judgement, or sorrow for joy. Whatever it is, ask your Heavenly Father to help you let it go, to help you make that exchange.

Create in me a clean heart, O God.Renew a loyal spirit within me. Psalm 51:10 

As I continue to clean out or make exchanges in my own heart I feel so much more of God's love filling in the vacant spaces where pain used to live. A heart filled with God's love beats the strongest!

Start today by making one heart exchange. Ask God to help remove those things that take up the space where He longs to be. Free yourself from the bondage of whatever it is that keeps you from being happy, whole, and healed. He is waiting to take that burden from you right now. 

"A clean heart is a happy heart...." Mother Teresa

I pray God blesses you all beyond measure in the upcoming year. Thank you for your continued love, support and encouragement for me and my family. 

Blessings,

Tammy 

Our Special Day

It is hard to wake up on this day and not have my heart long to celebrate what would have been my 21st wedding anniversary.

As the days continue to hurriedly brush by, I feel my heart continuing to mend from that which has been lost. But I believe the special days will always remain just that, special. These times are mine to keep deep in my heart, to share, laugh, cry and to reminisce about. I never realized how wonderfully sacred a memory could be until I lost someone I loved.

This may sound strange to some, but I have often thought, if only I were given a few short minutes to talk to Nick, what would I say? 

 If that day were today... I would tell him I love and miss him so much. I know without a doubt you are basking in Heavenly splendor, you are happy and praise God you are healthy. I would tell him that I appreciate and covet all the little nuggets of advice that he so lovingly and un-selfessly gave to me in an effort to make moving on just a little bit easier. With tears streaming I would share how some days are simply just still so hard without him, but those tears would quickly fade and a smile would emerge as I tenderly express the irrafutable joy I get when I look at our son and see the reflection of his father in his eyes.

I would tell him what a joyful privilege it has been for me to watch the bond between a brother and sister become stronger than ever, even after losing their Dad. I know how happy that would make him! And as proudly as I could say it, I would gush about what amazing young adults Aaron and Erika are and how much they miss their dad.  

 I certainly wouldn't miss the chance to share how much his friends miss him too, how often his name is mentioned, always with a fondness and never without a smile. The Nick-isms will live on forever!

Lastly, I would sweetly tell him what I think I miss the most is having his love present in my life everyday. Having my best friend there to share things with and feeling that warm comfort of having his arms wrapped around me, making me feel so safe and protected. These things seem the hardest to live without. 

But I have learned now to seek those things in which my heart desires in the arms of my Heavenly Father. I know that whatever heartache and pain I may endure in this life God himself will alway be with me, to comfort, love and protect me. The key is keeping my eyes fixed upon Him. Always glorifying His name above all names and fully submitting my heart to Him. 

Truthfully, I do not know if this kind of transformation would have taken place in my heart if I had not lost my husband. I would like to think so, but the reality is, it is through the pain and suffering that I have learned the greatest lessons of unconditional love and forgiveness along with completely surrendering everything to my King (maybe I still have some work to do in the surrendering everything area!). 

It is the "special" days that seem to bring about the most reflecting in my heart. I am so thankful that the image I see is more transformed by His hands everyday. 

Thank you for letting me share my heart. Through each word a little piece of it always heal. 

The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior;my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. Psalm 18:2

Blessings Always,

Tammy

September 9th, 2012

I am sure many of my friends are getting used to the new schedule of their teenagers being away at college. I know I am trying to acclimate to Aaron's. Between school, work and church I rarely see him during the week. But it is all good. He is happy, so momma is happy! Hope all you parents are getting adjusted to the change as well.

Okay, confession time!

Don't get to excited there is nothing too juicy!

I know I wrote about life changes a few blogs ago, but over the last couple of weeks, the Lord has really been convicting me with some much needed heart changes. He has been prompting me to reach out to who and what He places on my heart, and to really look at and accept things outside "my box" that maybe I was not so open to before, things that God wants to bless me through, but maybe I wasn't so willing to bend for. 

 Aaron and I have often debated over these comments that I have spouted out a time or two: "Well, I am who I am!" or "I am too set in my ways!" or the ever-popular " I am too old to change now." 

 I realized how sad it would be if that were really true. We should welcome the change that our Heavenly Father wants to do in us...especially the heart change. Without the heart change there would be no transformation. We wouldn't grow spiritually, let alone emotionally. So the confession...I have some changing to do! We all most likely have some changing within us that needs to take place.

Praise God, I am not who I once was, I am made new in Christ (Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation: the old has gone, the new has come. 2 Cor 5:17). So, "I am what I am" doesn't really apply any longer. Amen! 

I don't want to be set in "my" ways. Lord knows, that can steer me right off course. Psalm 18:30 tells us God's way is perfect. Not just okay, not just good...but perfect! And He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him. Stay humble now, it doesn't mean you are going to be perfect! 

Friends, we are never too old to change. We should seek a constant heart change through our Heavenly Father every day of our lives by striving to love without boundaries, forgive without conditions, and always help and encourage those who need it. 

(Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2) 

Many times to bring about the true change that God desires to take place in us, we have to remove the scales that are weighing us down or holding us back. We have to be willing to hear, see and feel through our spiritual ears, eyes and heart, and not care about what others will think as we are going through the process, only seeking the approval of the One who brings about the true transformation. I recently came across a quote that resonated with me: "God is far more interested in what you are than who you are." In the eyes of God you are everything! 

I have been so blessed that through the many changes I have gone through and still continue to go through, the Lord has also surrounded me with family and friends that have showered me with unconditional love and compassion and in the process that has changed my heart to be that same way with others who are walking out their own transformation.

The process isn't always an easy one. It requires dying to our flesh and surrendering ourselves in a way that can make us feel, at times, very vulnerable....but the reward is nothing short of spectacular! The change within you and the freedom that it brings is a rare treasure that brings about a soulful satisfaction that nothing can compare to...not this side of eternity, anyway!

As always I thank you all for your love, support and never-ending encouragement. My heart runneth over with much love and gratitude for you all.

Forever Grateful, 

Tammy