Our Special Day

It is hard to wake up on this day and not have my heart long to celebrate what would have been my 21st wedding anniversary.

As the days continue to hurriedly brush by, I feel my heart continuing to mend from that which has been lost. But I believe the special days will always remain just that, special. These times are mine to keep deep in my heart, to share, laugh, cry and to reminisce about. I never realized how wonderfully sacred a memory could be until I lost someone I loved.

This may sound strange to some, but I have often thought, if only I were given a few short minutes to talk to Nick, what would I say? 

 If that day were today... I would tell him I love and miss him so much. I know without a doubt you are basking in Heavenly splendor, you are happy and praise God you are healthy. I would tell him that I appreciate and covet all the little nuggets of advice that he so lovingly and un-selfessly gave to me in an effort to make moving on just a little bit easier. With tears streaming I would share how some days are simply just still so hard without him, but those tears would quickly fade and a smile would emerge as I tenderly express the irrafutable joy I get when I look at our son and see the reflection of his father in his eyes.

I would tell him what a joyful privilege it has been for me to watch the bond between a brother and sister become stronger than ever, even after losing their Dad. I know how happy that would make him! And as proudly as I could say it, I would gush about what amazing young adults Aaron and Erika are and how much they miss their dad.  

 I certainly wouldn't miss the chance to share how much his friends miss him too, how often his name is mentioned, always with a fondness and never without a smile. The Nick-isms will live on forever!

Lastly, I would sweetly tell him what I think I miss the most is having his love present in my life everyday. Having my best friend there to share things with and feeling that warm comfort of having his arms wrapped around me, making me feel so safe and protected. These things seem the hardest to live without. 

But I have learned now to seek those things in which my heart desires in the arms of my Heavenly Father. I know that whatever heartache and pain I may endure in this life God himself will alway be with me, to comfort, love and protect me. The key is keeping my eyes fixed upon Him. Always glorifying His name above all names and fully submitting my heart to Him. 

Truthfully, I do not know if this kind of transformation would have taken place in my heart if I had not lost my husband. I would like to think so, but the reality is, it is through the pain and suffering that I have learned the greatest lessons of unconditional love and forgiveness along with completely surrendering everything to my King (maybe I still have some work to do in the surrendering everything area!). 

It is the "special" days that seem to bring about the most reflecting in my heart. I am so thankful that the image I see is more transformed by His hands everyday. 

Thank you for letting me share my heart. Through each word a little piece of it always heal. 

The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior;my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. Psalm 18:2

Blessings Always,

Tammy

The Simple Things

Yesterday was an absolutely perfect weather day! Great temperatures combined with the most calming breeze blowing across the ocean made it difficult to resist taking a nice, long walk on the beach. There is something so tranquil about the sound of the waves crashing on the shoreline. With each step I could feel the stress of the week rolling off of me.

I thought throughout that walk how grateful I felt for that time, to just breathe, spend some time talking with my son, laughing a bit, and basking in the warmth of the sunshine. I know it may seem so small, but friends, that's where I have been finding my joy and blessings lately....in the small stuff!

 In a world where many of our lives can become so chaotic, distracting and stressful, it is in the small things that the biggest blessings are often found. I am thankful for a heart that no longer seeks the grandiose and can recognize and appreciate God's tender and loving hands in the smallest of things.

I have a new appreciation for simplicity. Think about how peaceful it feels when your life is less complicated. Although those times may not present themselves as much as we would like them too, do we really slow down to appreciate them and the peaceful joy they bring when they do?

I started learning the lesson of finding the blessings in the small things during my husbands illness, especially in those last few months of his life. But truthfully, it wasn't until much later during my journey, and even more so now, that I really began to appreciate and recognize that it is those small things that seem to have enough power to pull me right up out of the pit. For me, having the opportunity to reflect back on a life with someone I loved and lost opened my eyes to what those small, simple things that really blessed me were and still are.

When we truly surrender and let God remove the blinders from our eyes and begin to peel away those layers that are weighing us down, our heart can begin to absorb all of His glorious blessings....big or small!

Challenge yourself this week to look for God's blessing in each day, and when you find them, praise Him!

"God doesn't just bless us to make us happy; He blesses us to make us a blessing."
-- Warren W. Wiersbe

Blessings Always,  

Tammy 

A Grateful Heart

  

God, if you love me why did you take my husband? God, if you are in control why is life so hard? Yes, I found myself crying out these exact words a few days ago.  You may have your own list of different questions at times, but the answer remains the same...Life is tough my friends, but God is always faithful! I have had people say to me, "How do you still have so much faith after all you have been through?" And I think, "how can I not?" I still have bad days, days I will question, but not due to lack of faith, but because I am simply feeling sad or discouraged. Having a bad day doesn't mean you have any less faith. 

Anyone who has suffered a great loss in their life knows what I am talking about when I say this: I lost a part of myself when my husband died. I discovered over the last year that I have struggled to try and regain that. But I have realized that a lot of what is gone, needed to be and that it's okay, because God wants to take what has been lost and restore it with something better, something more refined and polished. I am continuous work in progress!

I think my emotions are running high lately due partly to Aaron graduating and not having Nick here to experience this very important and joyous occasion. I confess, that over the last couple of months I found myself really focusing more on what and who I didn't have in my life, instead of all I have to be grateful for. I always try to encourage others to find that daily "nugget" or blessing that God has for them, yet I was failing to do that myself. The enemy had been robbing me of my joy and I didn't even know it.

God had a message for me! This past Sunday at church I heard a sermon about gratitude given by Pastor Steven Furtick. Before the message was even over the tears were flowing. I had such conviction about the lack of gratitude I had been giving to the things in my life. During the sermon Pastor Steven asked the congregation to take a deep breath in and then let it out....then he said, "Now, that was on credit!" That quickly brought back the memory of Jan 29th, 2011 and seeing my husband take his last breath. I was instantly reminded of how grateful I needed to be for my own health and the health and protection of my children. How could I not be grateful for the amazing friends that God had chosen to fill that void in my life with? How can I not be thankful when my Savior is working to repair what has been broken inside of me? Or when in the depths of my loneliness I am really never alone, because He is always there to comfort me. The list is really endless when you break it down daily. Don't we all really have so much to be thankful  and praise God for?

Psalm 100:4 Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and bless His name. 

I pray that my thoughts, my attitude, but most of all my heart will overflow with gratefulness at all that God has so graciously blessed me with. 

With a grateful heart,

Tammy

New Article: Finding your Joy

http://shannonmillerlifestyle.​com/my-journey/finding-your-jo​y-2

Hey Friends,

It is Tuesday and time for a new caretaker article!! This week I talk about finding your joy!! Your "nuggets" of happiness!! I have walked this out and know it to be true. There is joy to be found in each day. Some days I know that it is hard to find. Many times we are looking for the big things in life to bring us happiness, and missing out on all the small things that really can bring us the biggest joys of our lives.

I am Hoping you will take the time to read and share with some of your "nuggets" with me!

Have a Blessed day!

Tammy

The joy of the Lord is your strength. Neh 8:10