I was doing a little back porch cleaning earlier today, hoping that soon I would be able to sit out there as the weather begins to cool down a bit. As I was sweeping, I looked down and saw a pair of slipper's that Nick used to wear on those brisk mornings that he would sit outside having his coffee and reading his Bible.
I thought today is the day I will get rid of these, after all they were so old and worn out, but just for a moment I slid them on. They may have been old and faded, but they felt warm and comfortable, it reminded me so much of our times on that back porch. Our longs talks, all the tears and laughter we had shared. It is wild how one little thing like a pair of dirty old slippers can bring on a flood of emotions so quickly.
I took them off and sat them aside as I continued my cleaning, only now with a big lump in my throat. As I was finishing up, I thought, "Why would I have such a hard time parting with a pair of old slippers? Is it what they represented to me now? Is it because I cannot bare throwing anything of his away?" Maybe a little of both.
As I write this through the tears I now realize that those slippers represented a lot of memories, many great ones and some very painful as Nick wore them a lot when he was ill. I knew that getting rid of a pair of slippers was not going to take away any memory I had stored away in my heart, and that just maybe throwing away that old pair of worn shoes would be a good step for me to take in continuing to heal and move forward. So, as hard as it was, I did it.
I know in my heart I don't need "things" to keep Nick's memory alive. He lives on through his children, and through the many countless lives that he touched during his time here and I know without a doubt his memory is kept alive through the words I write.
Thank you for letting me share my heart with you. Each blog that I write like this helps me to move forward on my journey in "Learning to Live."