Thursday, September 23, 2010

Thursday, September 23rd, 2010

I want to start by saying the support system that the Lord has put in place for well AMAZING!! I am in awe of so many friends and family and their continuous support, love and prayers. It is truly the Body of Christ at work.

It is still a bit early to see how/if the meds will help Nick emotionally. He is a bit more lethargic, trouble sleeping, shakiness etc...He is due to double the dosage starting today. We are just praying that it will level out in his system. I miss his spark!! His personality!! He seems kind of numb right now. Breaks my heart.

We were scheduled for an appointment tomorrow at Mayo with the wound care Doctor. But they rescheduled it for next week to see how much fluid will build up. A blessing to have no appointments this week!!

I feel like we have been ninety to nothing since May 7th, one thing after the next, Now we have slowed down, almost stopped. Some physical exhaustion kicking in. It is amazing how much the human body can really endure. But I can't complain. The Lord has really blessed me and Aaron with strength and energy most days, much more than what my husband has had.

Now may be the time to rest! I can hear God whisper "Come, My weary daughter, and I will give you rest". He gives us calm during the storms. He allows us time that we can rest our minds and our bodies.

Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I have heard this verse many times, but now it has significant meaning to me. What better place to go and find peaceful rest than in the comfort of His arms? God is asking us to come to Him....why not take Him up on that amazing offer!! To be able to ease our minds of our to-do lists, busy schedules, silly things that occupy space in our head, and to truly find that peaceful rest.

I really liked the way the Amplified version of this verse is written:

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.]
Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls.
For My yoke is wholesome (useful, good--not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne.

There are many days my soul needs to be relieved and refreshed (really everyday!). It is not always easy to clear our mind from life's daily grind. I will frequently ask God to help clear my mind of needless thoughts and fill me with only thoughts of His peace and comfort. This is something am praying for me and my family to be more faithful with, so we can be renewed and strengthen everyday in the Lord and not in the things of this world. I have relied on the strength of this world to renew my mind many times before only to have my mental and physical energy quickly become depleted. It is only when I came to the Lord for my refuge, that my body and mind are restored and rested. Hallelujah!!!

I am so thankful to the Lord for answering prayers of healing for some dear friends this week. A big AMEN!!! Trusting in the Lord to take care of those who are continuing to struggle through difficult situations. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Phillipians 4:13

Resting in His Arms,

The Badidas

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Thursday, Sept. 16th, 2010

Lately Nicks days are filled with many tears. He says he it is so hard to fight the feeling of overwhelming sadness. I was so glad our first visit at Mayo today was with Dr. Shannon in Palliative Care. God bless that man, he is truly gifted in his field. He really helps with medications and trying to get the right mix of what will work for Nick. Along with an anti-depressant, he changed Nick's pain meds (Nick is having some discomfort now), he also increased his anxiety meds. It is hard for Nick to give into the fact that he will need to try and take medicine to help him with this emotionally. I am not a big fan of taking a lot of meds either, but watching him suffer like this is heart breaking and almost more than I can bear. Please pray that this will help him, so he is able to enjoy his life again.

Next we went to Dr Perdikis (wound care). The wound keeps retaining fluid because of the lack of healing (on the inside). They are trying to avoid having to surgically insert a drain. So for the next several weeks we will go to Mayo and have the wound drained (yes, it is painful). Please pray for no more fluid and the wound to completely heal.

I was thinking how the word "terminal" has changed our lives forever. I looked up the meaning yesterday and here is what is said 1. situated at the end, concluded 2. leading to death.

If you are living in this world without Jesus in your heart, terminal could mean finality to you, no hope, nothing to look forward to. But when you are living your life for Him, it means you can have eternal life in HIS kingdom, there is always hope, and you have SO much to look forward to.There is no end!!! I think it is one of the conversations Nick and I have the most. What will Heaven be like? Heaven will have a beauty beyond our imagination.

An entire city of transparent gold. The walls of the new city are precious jewels. The gates are twelve single pearls. The city itself and its streets are pure gold, yet like transparent glass. Revelation 21:21

Best of all, heaven with God and Jesus will be a place of love. God in tender love will wipe away all our tears (Revelation 21:4). The angels will rejoice as heaven fills with righteous Christians (II Peter 3:13). Those spirits who have hungered and have thirsted to humbly live with God; those with pure hearts; those who have willingly endured persecution; and those who have lived for God's peace, will live together in life and love forever and ever.

When I am ask how I deal with this everyday? This is what I think about. This is what gives me peace in my heart. To sit here and picture our Heavenly Father wiping away all of Nick's tears is all the comfort my soul needs. Through the everyday trials and the many tears we live in hope and assurance that the Lord will never leave us for a moment.

Thank you for your continued prayers for our family. God is always increasing our prayer life through the trials of others. Lifting up all of our sweet friends that need Gods healing and restoration right now. Praying for wisdom, discernment and understanding so that they endure what is being placed in their path. I am so humbled that the Lord has given me the opportunity to pray for so many.

In The Name of Jesus. Amen.

The Badidas

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Wednesday, Sept 8th, 2010

Nick seems to be doing pretty well since stopping the chemo. Appetite is better, he is starting to walk up the street again, looks better overall, getting that quick wit back! As you would expect we have some very good days and some not so good days. At lot of what is going on now is much more on the emotional level rather than physical. It is hard not to wonder what might be coming, but yet try to live each day the best way you can. You definitely have to try and find that balance..... we live in what I call God's supernatural peace bubble!! It is a wonderful thing.

I have something to share with you that I feel God has placed on my heart. I made a statement to someone several days ago, that this journey was our "cross to bear". I have heard people say that before, but this time.....those words really pierced my heart., and I praise God that they did. There will always be suffering and sadness, but nothing like what Jesus endured, He had the ultimate Cross to bear. He suffered the most and all for OUR sins. When I picture Christ nailed to that Cross, I know our pain and suffering pales in comparison. 1 Corinthians 15:3 For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance : that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures.

In our flesh, it is hard to understand why we have to go through certain things in life, we may never know the true answers until we are called home to be with our Savour. It is hard for me to explain to you, that although we are having to endure this horrible disease, God is using it to change us, refine us and renew us into His children ( I still have a long way to go!!). Sometimes people will ask me "how can you say your thankful?" and I reply " how can say I am not?" I am blessed and thankful that through the worst of circumstances, there is a loving, merciful, comforting and forgiving Lord that will never leave me.

OK picture this.... You know those makeover stories, where they show you the before and after pictures of someone who has had a beauty makeover? That's how I picture myself...before Jesus, my hair all tangled, no make-up, and a big, mean frown, after Jesus, perfectly shiny straight hair, flawless make-up, and one big ole happy grin!! Because HE is transforming me from the inside out. Who needs a makeover?

You all are amazing and we love you dearly.

The Badidas

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Thursday Sept. 2, 2010

Psalm 33:20 We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield.

Hi Friends,

It seems like it has been a while since the last update. Since coming off the chemo Nick has been doing better. It took him a while to regain some of his strength and appetite back. He is functioning a lot better.The quality is coming back to his daily life and he has not looked back once on that decision.

We had a several appointments over the last two days at Mayo. The first with Dr. Pirris (neuro) to discuss latest CT scan. Unfortunately, it showed no bone fusion at all, which means Nick will have to wear the brace for a very long time (indefinitely). Of course this upset him. Those of you who know him well, knows he despises that brace. But it is critical for his spine to heal, so he will continue to wear it 24/7.

Our last appointment with Dr. Ko (Rad. Onc.) who was filling in for Dr. Snead, was to discuss the results of the latest MRI and possible additional radiation. There has been no change in the tumor (which I think is good news for now, but eventually it will start growing again) and NO more radiation will be done on that tumor, his spine could not take it. The tumor is to close to spinal cord and could cause paralysis. So really nothing has changed.

Really friends we heard the same things we have heard before, just by a different doctor. We are in this wait and pray stage. We wait to see what will happen next. Now would be a great time for that miracle!!! Barring any additional symptoms that could come up, they will continue to do CT scans every 3 months. We will also continue with palliative care.

It is all about living now!!! Living that quality life, taking advantage of every minute of every day and thanking the Lord for that time, taking nothing for granted, knowing everyday is a gift, and asking the Holy Spirit to help us see things from God's perspective. Praying for a deeper and more eternal relationship with our Heavenly Father than ever before. We will continue to let God fight this battle, as He has done so lovingly and merciful already.

Nehemiah 9:31 But in your great mercy you did not put an end to them or abandon them, for you are a gracious and merciful God.

I remember times in my life when I would say "things just aren't happening fast enough", now there are days I pray for time to stand still so I can relish in the moments of joy and peace with my husband and son. Even in the midst of this fierce storm , I know how blessed I truly am, because I am a child of God. I feel so humbled and privileged to be a witness for the Glory of His Kingdom. I will continue to pray that through Nick's illness people will see the power of the Lord!!

We continue to pray and trust for a miracle, and we hold on firmly to hope. God will never fail us.

Isaiah 58:11 The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.

Your prayers and love are a constant source of comfort to us. He has placed each of you on this journey to walk hand in hand with us and we are so thankful to our sweet Lord for you all.

To God be ALL the Glory,

The Badidas