Sunday, November 25, 2012

A Season of Firsts

The holidays are in full swing! The continuious crowds, the sounds of Christmas music wherever you go, the ridiculous amounts of food...and calories! For many this could be a season of "firsts" some joyful ones and maybe some painful ones.

I want to share with you that after surviving a year of "firsts," I feel like I have the strength now to make it through these times and with a much lighter heart and more joy. Thank you Lord! If you are experiencing a season of "firsts," I want to encourage you to pray and cling tightly to the hand of your Heavenly Father. He will never abandon you. You are not alone and you will make it through! 
(Isaiah 40:11 He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart). 

Since then I have come to learn that even though I may have survived many "firsts," rebuilding a new life in any situation is still a challenge. A daily challenge! Some days I feel like that new kid at school, so scared and unsure, wondering if I will fit it, questioning where exactly I belong and doubting myself. These are all the things the enemy would like for me to feel and succumb to. Thankfully my heart is glued to a better foundation, one that is solid, strong, stable and gives me the blessed assurance that in Christ I can conquer each day instead of it conquering me. (Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me). God always reminds me, especially through the small things, that He is present and He is there to counteract whatever the enemy wants to throw at me.

I can close my eyes right now and see the faces of many friends that are facing a difficult season of "firsts," and my heart aches for those who will have to endure that journey. I pray you will open your hearts and let God carry you as you stumble through the brief darkness which will soon fade into a brilliant Light that will bring you great peace and much healing. (John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.)You are so loved.

In closing, I wanted to share a little something sweet that is on my heart. I am not sure if it is the season, or that Nick's birthday is coming up, but lately I have had many friends sharing with me how much he has been in their thoughts. I love hearing about the fond memories and funny stories that he left for us all to enjoy. I love knowing that he is always thought of. That brings me such joy. Something he always said to me was "Don't forget about me!" And I would say "Like we ever could, my love." So, thank you for sharing with me and blessing me with your memories of Nick. What a precious gift!

As aways I am thankful for this opportunity to share a little bit of my heart with you all. Thank you  reading this blog. I hope you can feel the love that my Heavenly Father has so graciously placed in my heart to share. 



Thursday, November 1, 2012

Our Special Day

It is hard to wake up on this day and not have my heart long to celebrate what would have been my 21st wedding anniversary.

As the days continue to hurriedly brush by, I feel my heart continuing to mend from that which has been lost. But I believe the special days will always remain just that, special. These times are mine to keep deep in my heart, to share, laugh, cry and to reminisce about. I never realized how wonderfully sacred a memory could be until I lost someone I loved.

This may sound strange to some, but I have often thought, if only I were given a few short minutes to talk to Nick, what would I say? 

 If that day were today... I would tell him I love and miss him so much. I know without a doubt you are basking in Heavenly splendor, you are happy and praise God you are healthy. I would tell him that I appreciate and covet all the little nuggets of advice that he so lovingly and un-selfessly gave to me in an effort to make moving on just a little bit easier. With tears streaming I would share how some days are simply just still so hard without him, but those tears would quickly fade and a smile would emerge as I tenderly express the irrafutable joy I get when I look at our son and see the reflection of his father in his eyes.

I would tell him what a joyful privilege it has been for me to watch the bond between a brother and sister become stronger than ever, even after losing their Dad. I know how happy that would make him! And as proudly as I could say it, I would gush about what amazing young adults Aaron and Erika are and how much they miss their dad.  

 I certainly wouldn't miss the chance to share how much his friends miss him too, how often his name is mentioned, always with a fondness and never without a smile. The Nick-isms will live on forever!

Lastly, I would sweetly tell him what I think I miss the most is having his love present in my life everyday. Having my best friend there to share things with and feeling that warm comfort of having his arms wrapped around me, making me feel so safe and protected. These things seem the hardest to live without. 

But I have learned now to seek those things in which my heart desires in the arms of my Heavenly Father. I know that whatever heartache and pain I may endure in this life God himself will alway be with me, to comfort, love and protect me. The key is keeping my eyes fixed upon Him. Always glorifying His name above all names and fully submitting my heart to Him. 

Truthfully, I do not know if this kind of transformation would have taken place in my heart if I had not lost my husband. I would like to think so, but the reality is, it is through the pain and suffering that I have learned the greatest lessons of unconditional love and forgiveness along with completely surrendering everything to my King (maybe I still have some work to do in the surrendering everything area!). 

It is the "special" days that seem to bring about the most reflecting in my heart. I am so thankful that the image I see is more transformed by His hands everyday. 

Thank you for letting me share my heart. Through each word a little piece of it always heal. 

The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior;my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. Psalm 18:2

Blessings Always,