Two years.... Two years without that smile, that warm hug, those long walks, our morning coffee on the back porch, celebrating special occasions, going to church together, precious family time, and the words I miss hearing Nick say the most, "I love you."
Time has a very unique way of easing some of the pain, but the wounds seem to open up slightly more on days like today. Although we are blessed with marvelous memories of an exceptional man, it is hard to think of them and not have your heart fill up with tears from missing him and all that he so lovingly and unselfishly enriched our lives with.
I used to dream often about Nick and I loved that. I loved that through those dreams I could see and hear him so clearly and for that brief time things felt so normal again, and even though sometimes I would be sad when I awoke, because I wanted it to be real, I was still grateful to have had that time with him in my dreams. But as time has gone on those dreams have become much less frequent, in fact I could not remember when the last one was. Then a few mornings ago I awoke with tears streaming down my face. I had dreamed that I was holding on so tightly to Nick and asking him to please never leave me and he was holding me just as tightly and promising that he would always be with us. What a treasure I found in that dream!
I started to pray and thank God for never leaving or forsaking us and for pulling us out of that grieving pit each and every time and, although I cannot always see or feel Him doing it, I am able to sit and write this today because He has.
I am amazed at how I can grieve and rejoice at the same time. I am grieving at what has been lost, yet rejoicing at the splendor of what it must be like for Nick right now as he basks in the eternity of Heaven. To truly understand that the ones we have loved and lost have been set free...frees us as well.
Thank you all for your kind sentiments over the last few days and for always remembering my man. Please know I am truly grateful for your unconditional love and your never-ending prayers for me and my family.
“It isn't for the moment you are struck that you need courage, but for that long uphill climb back to sanity and faith and security.” --Anne Morrow Lindbergh