Thursday, October 17, 2013

Still Learning To Live

 I really don't know where to begin. It has been way too long since I have written. I am so blessed by the consistent friends and followers of this blog asking for an update on our family. Thank you!

 To say that the last 6 months have been a whirlwind is probably a bit of an understatement.  Let me begin with the part-time job I started in April. I really wasn't prepared for what this job would do for me. It slowly helped me regain much of the confidence I had unknowingly lost. Day by day, I began to breathe again in a way I haven't in a very long time.  I realized I was much more capable than I had given myself credit for. I was being mentally productive and using a part of my brain that I believe had gotten a few cobwebs on it! 

Next, we began the process of packing up the house! Moving on from things that were once such a big part of your life can be a very difficult thing to do. Each room holds a special memory of what once was. Honestly, the day I came home without Nick the house just became geography. It was a place where Aaron and I could rest and retreat when we needed to, but not much else. It feels like the final chapter is closing on that part of my life. Very bittersweet, but it is time.

The great thing was that the timing could not have been more perfect to start packing up, because Aaron moved into his own apartment in August with his friend, Ian. He has taken all that life has thrown at him, which has been a lot for a 19 year-old, and it has built such great character, integrity and compassion in him. He had a wonderful summer paid internship at Wells Fargo in Community Relations, and now he is currently working temporarily for the United Way of Northeast Florida. He is working on getting his BA in English with a minor in Business at UNF and a slew of other things! I cannot keep up with it all! I could not be more proud of him.

Okay! Let's talk about dating! Yes, I have experienced my first "real" relationship. It took a while, but Nick gave me the sweet gift of saying I need to move in this fact, he made me promise. I know... what a selfless man, right? I think I could start a whole new blog on the dating scene after 40-something! I pray for God's wisdom and guidance in each and every step of this journey. It is certainly not an easy adjustment but one that seems very natural at this point and time. I have a hard time not comparing to what once was, but I have to believe that God will put me where and with who I should be with. 

On a much different note, some may know that I have had a fear of airplanes for quite a while because of claustrophobia issues. Not anymore... in the words of R. Kelly "I believe I can fly!" I have the traveling bug now and I am enjoying it immensely. I am so thankful to be set free from that issue that has weighed me down for quite some time. I did my first back-to-back solo flights several weeks ago, and on one of the flights I was blessed to be seated by a man who unfortunately had lost his wife three years ago to cancer. Needless to say, we had a great conversation and understanding of one another's life. I remember stepping off the plane, looking up and thanking God for that man. 

Other widows/widowers will often ask me, "Will it get easier?" Yes! It will get easier in many ways, but I think more than that, it just becomes different. I encourage you to let God mold and use you during your healing process. Let Him help you to become better, not bitter, and to grow and not become stagnant. The enemy will want to rob you of your joy in anyway possible, but God is ever-present and wants you to flourish, especially through the pain. HE is the one constant throughout all of this. Although, there are times when I feel I have drifted a little farther from Him that I would like too, I know He is never away from me. When I feel that lack of peace infiltrating from my soul, I know I need to be drawing closer, in his word, on my knees. I am ashamed to say I often times allow "life" to get in the way, but too much life can bring to much strife when you are not walking closely with your Heavenly Father. HE is the only real peace I have ever known or will ever know. 

I look forward to writing more in the near future. I deeply appreciate the encouragement from others to continue to do so. As I have said many times before this blog has been a huge source of healing for me in so many ways. I am thankful! 

Many Blessings!