Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:12-13
My heart is so heavy tonight writing this. It is hard to imagine life changing so drastically and so quickly. You can think you are ready to hear what the Doctor says....and then you hear the words "terminal" and "stage four cancer". How do you even begin to wrap your head and heart around what is to come?
That is the news we received today. Nick still has the option to try chemo (a mild pill form) and he will. We ARE still praying for a miracle. The doctor would prefer he stay away from taking "heavy" chemo because of harsh side effects and since Nick's immune system is already weak it wouldn't be safe for him. Prognosis wise, this cancer typically dictates 6-9 months, but we all know that God works in His own time. This relatively short time span is yet another reason the doctor recommended a lighter chemo, because it provides a much better quality of life.
Nick said he's "halfway at peace" with it. I think there was a part of all of us that knew that it might not be the best of news coming at us today, but I don't know if the gravity of it has quite hit him yet. It did for me. The strength I normally have to lift him up just wasn't there today. I felt overwhelming sadness, as you can imagine. Aaron is more of a here and now kind of kid. I think it saddens him more to think of the times to come than anything today.
A BIG prayer prayer is that the tumor does not grow in a way that causes additional paralysis to the lower extremities. As you can imagine, that's one of his biggest fears right now, and would be a devastating blow to an already unbelievable situation.
We will continue to seek the Lord and pray faithfully to him to give us peace and strength during this time. We cling to his grace that gives us all eternal life, life that is far greater than our time together in this place. Even though it feels like this has been a battle that has already been going on for so long, we must rest our mind and know that God has given us all we need to endure. He is the Lord, the mighty Conqueror, and he will never stop fighting on our behalf.
As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him.
For who is God besides the LORD ?
And who is the Rock except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.
He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You give me your shield of victory,
and your right hand sustains me;
you stoop down to make me great.
Standing on the Rock,