Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Wednesday, August 18th, 2010

We got a call from Dr. Snead (Rad. Onc.) on Monday and they want us to come in for an appointment. It sounds like they are wanting to re-visit the radiation blast? We are a bit confused and have many concerns and questions, so we will meet with Dr. Snead in the morning to see exactly what is going on. Then we will meet with Dr. Shannon in Palliative Care and hopefully Nick will be able to get some kind of anti-depressant going. He also has some additional labs tomorrow. So a busy day at Mayo. I will update tomorrow evening on the info we received.

The chemo side effects seems to have leveled off some, but he is due to increase his dosage tomorrow. Everyday is different. But we are grateful....because we know it could be a lot worse.

I think I have reached the point in this of frustration and anger. Frustration that I have to see the suffering that Nick endures and I cannot do anything for him.Anger that this disease is going to cut my husbands life short, unless a miracle happens. Angry that this has turned all of our lives up side down. I am trying to be a good and faithful servant for God and for my family, but there are days when I feel like I fall so short of being anything but that. That is why I am so thankful that I have a God who is full of grace and loves me so unconditionally. The Lord is my helper, my light. my shield. He is in my heart, but that doesn't mean my life will be without pain, sadness or suffering. He uses these things to refine us, to grow us and to transform us into His likeness.

He sees our frustration, anxiety and fear as we attempt to make our way through these difficult life journeys, and when life seems so unfair and cruel, I know my sweet Lord is there and He is merciful and kind. I pray to see all of this as God sees it, to feel calmness instead of frustration, joy instead of anger, and to be a light to others just as Jesus is to me.

I am so a work in progress!!! And I am so thankful God is merciful and forgiving and will NEVER give up on me!! I praise Him for where He has already brought me to and where He will continue to take me.

For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever. Praise the LORD. Psalm 117:1

Nick just said for me to tell you all "he loves you". You are all God's faithful servants with your prayers for our family. A true reflection of His love and joy.

In Jesus' Name,

The Badidas

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