Thursday, August 23, 2012

Aug 23th, 2012

I felt like it was time to clean out "the" closet...Nick's closet. I knew he wanted his clothes donated to a charity that would get good use of them. How did I know this? Because in true Nick style he made it known! I had contemplated doing this a while back, but I just wasn't quite ready. I have taken a few things down here and there around the house. I think I do it little by little, trying to fool myself into thinking I am not really changing or removing things that have to do with him.

I started off strong! With each folded shirt, a memory would come to my mind of Nick wearing it. This tall, handsome man looking so debanaire and smiling that contagious smile of his. Folding his ties, I would remember how many of them were Father's Day gifts from the kids. His favorite pair of jeans that I threatened to throw away on many occasions.The sweater vest phase! Just so many memories. It was kind of nice to reminisce a bit, think about the good times, and see his face so clearly. As I continued to pack things up I would often hear his laugh echoing in my head.

 I had packed it all up, labeled and placed by the front door, then I turned back to look at it all... I felt that lump in my throat and my eyes began to water up as I realized I had packed up a closet full of wonderful memories. It wasn't about the clothes, it was about the man that wore them. 

Sometimes my life tends to get a little out of whack. Whose doesn't, right? I cannot express to you how doing things like this will put things back into focus for me. As small as this may seem to some, it is huge to a widow who is striving to move forward and find her new place in a new life, even seventeen months later. It takes a lot of mental and emotional strength to tackle things like this. But, I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. (Phil 4:13) Amen!

After I folded and packed those clothes my heart begin to grieve over a perspective that I seemed to have lost. It is something I have known, yet I am ashamed to admit I still let it elude me from time to time.  That perspective is a constant awareness that this life is fleeting. We are not guaranteed our next breath. Every moment we have is a true gift from our King of Kings and we should be living accordingly.

But what makes that so hard to remember? Life is full of distractions, stresses and just stuff. That's why it is important to lead a God first life by thanking and praising Him continuously, especially during the storms. Seeking out and searching God's approval only, and not that of man. Finding your freedom in Christ is a priceless treasure and can bring you a peace and acceptance in yourself like nothing else can. But it is called a "daily walk" for a reason! Placing God above all else in your life is the most rewarding daily habit you can have and can help you to live your life to the fullest.

 "Live not one's life as though one had a thousand years, but live each day as the last." --Marcus Aurelius
 "So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12 

Thank you family and friends for continuing on this journey with me. Your support means so much to me and your encouragement is always a blessing. 

In His Name,



  1. Beautiful post, Tammy. My younger brother passed almost 10 years ago and this loss serves to remind me how short life (on this side) truly is. None of us is promised tomorrow.

    The comfort for me comes in KNOWING I will see my brother again in Heaven. I miss him, but he is not dead. He is alive still and laughing at my foolishness when I get too caught up in the things of this world.

    You are channeling your pain in such a beautiful, heart-felt way and are a testament that God uses all things...

    1. Amen Rebecca! Thank you for commenting and for your words of encouragement that pour life into me. You know the pain of loss and it thrills my soul to see you walking so closely with your Heavenly Father. Bless you my sweet friend.