Monday, January 10, 2011

Monday January 10th, 2011

This is just such a suffering time for Nick, for us all really. Doctor just left, she has increased ALL of his meds and the frequency in which some of them are administered, working so hard to try and find that relief we all want for him.

The way I can describe it to you is like this, he is always in pain, but he can sleep through a lot of it, then all of a sudden he will have this gripping pain in his right shoulder and arm (where tumor is). It can last up to 5 mins,(sometimes longer) and he is begging for help and relief. Then once it eases he will fall back into a deep sleep. Yesterday those pains were very frequent. He has had several this morning, but prayfully as they continue to increase the meds he will feel them less and less.

They did equip him with a catheter, which he removed himself ( I dont know why he did), they wanted him to have it because the more sedation, the less he can get up, plus it seems like any movement causes that piercing pain to occur. So now I am not sure how they will proceed with that.

The doctor said she will check back on him this afternoon again before she leaves and if he is still having intense pain they will increase his meds again.
Its weird at first I didnt want him to have all these meds, but now I am so thankful for them. It is the only relief he gets. I am surprised also to see the decrease in his appetite.

No moments of clarity these days, it is all about pain relief for my man. My heart tells me the path is being cleared for him and for us. There is a different feeling in the air the last couple of days. I will call it a peaceful calmness. You would think at a time like this, you would feel worried, a little panic, or unsure. I was feeling a lot of that a week ago, but now because I am holding hands with my Prince of Peace tighter than I ever have, HE takes those feelings and turns them into assurance that Nick will one day be pain free.

I have the window in Nicks room open a little, I am listening to the rain and hearing my Heavenly Father say to me "Be still, and know that I am God". It is in these rare quiet times that He comforts me the most. I do not want to miss that moment when God is wanting to tell me something.

Specific prayer requests have not changed. Nick to get relief from the pain. For our family to have continued strength and peace. Wisdom for all any decisions that may need to be made.

The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. Psalm 145:18

With A Heart Full of Love,

The Badidas

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