I went to bed last night and awoke this morning with this overwhelming feeling of sadness and heartache. Tears, tears and more tears from the uncertainty of how things will happen, but also knowing that when THAT day comes, Nick will be able to rejoice pain free, with no brace, and no cancer. I was thinking of the song by Mercy Me " I Can Only Imagine" I have no doubt Nick will dance for Jesus.
I pleaded to my Lord this morning for some moments of clarity with Nick today, to be able to see some of his expressions shine through. I do feel like I was blessed to have that for a short time today. A few minutes to share with my soul mate and hear him speak some things to me I needed to hear. I know when Nick is realizing what is happening because he will cry, the fog seems to lift away from him for a very brief time and I seize those moments to try and communicate what is on my heart and try and find out what is on his. I will sit for hours just to have a few moments of that special time with him.
After speaking with the social worker today, she advised me that the team at Hospice met yesterday and they feel like Nick should stay there for now. It is difficult for me to surrender to that, but I know deep in my heart it is what is best for the time being. His pain never goes away and on a pain scale from 1-10, he usually stays between 5-8. I noticed even when I just touched his shoulder today he grimaced from pain. He is still eating, but my man likes to eat, so he may not lose his appetite. Like I have said before it is the inner battle taking place.
Specific prayers would be continued clarity on everything. For more "God" moments with Nick, those special times that I can encourage him about eternity with his Heavenly Father, continued strength for our family to be able to endure what lies ahead, and Nick to be pain free.
Grace and peace to you from him who is, and who was, and who is to come, and from the seven spirits before his throne, and from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, the firstborn from the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth.
To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood, and has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and Father—to him be glory and power for ever and ever! Amen.
“Look, he is coming with the clouds,"and “every eye will see him, even those who pierced him”; and all peoples on earth “will mourn because of him.” So shall it be! Amen.
“I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.” Revelations 1:4-8
Joy, love and peace to the sweet brothers and sisters in Christ that bless us every day.
Surrounded by His Glory,