I guess as the fog begins to lift and the dust begins to settle the grieving process really begins. I do think that Aaron and I began grieving way long before January 29th. But now the emptiness and loneliness starts to set in. It kind of creeps up on you when you least expect it to.
I am certainly no stranger to the grieving process having just gone through it with my mother back in March 2009, but losing a spouse, a soul mate of 19 years is different,way more painful. When your heart begins to realize the finality of your loved one being gone the emotional pain washes over you like a flood. You never really know when or how the tears will come and they can last for minutes or sometimes last all day. Either way it is OK to just let them flow. I feel like I have been so strong for so long, and I am very thankful for the strength God has given me to endure.
I signed into the blog a few days ago to write a closing letter, but couldn't do it. I realized just as my Father has brought me through the suffering of Nick's illness, He will also bring me through the suffering of the grief and I should glorify Him in that just as I did before. Grief can paralyze you, it can put you in a very dark, isolated place making and that made me realize I need God's presence in my life more than ever. I thought I clung to Him tightly before but I think I may leave my finger nail marks this time! And I think He is totally ok with that, in fact I believe He expects no less from me.
I pray that over the next few months the transition from grieving to receiving all the joy and peace God wants for me will begin to unfold and take life and you will be able to see our Heavenly Father glorified through that process just as much. I follow no guideline to the way I read the Bible, (unless I am doing a Bible study) but as a sweet friend reminded me.... just open your Bible and start reading , let His words fill you with life. I do not care what you say, reading your Bible daily is a discipline, well at least for me it is and I don't know why. I do know that every time I begin to read God's word and apply it to my daily life, it always brings me peace. ALWAYS!
I am sure many of you reading this have been through some sort of grieving in your lifetime or maybe you still are. We are not always grieving a death, it can be the loss of a friendship, an estranged family member, divorce, finances etc... I know that through God's mercy and grace we can begin to heal from whatever it is and come to know the freedom that only our Sovereign Lord can give us.
This verse is piercing my heart this morning: "I have told you these things, so that in me you will have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
---Jesus (John 16:33)
It is all about HIM!
Find your joy in Him and through Him today.