November 6th, 2011

Thank you all so much for your kind words and prayers this week as my anniversary passed by. It was one of those days that I knew was coming and I did cry a lot leading leading up to it. Then the day came, and ironically I did not shed a tear. It was very peaceful, I spent the day with a friend and stayed busy. Of course I thought about "my man" throughout that day, but that was nothing new as I always do that.

I felt this week brought a little more healing, as with each "first" that passes, the pain in my heart lessens a bit. I think it is true that time does heal your pain. Although, sometimes it is a very slow process depending on what that pain is. I know many of you can relate.

It occurred to me yesterday, that I had taken my wedding ring off a couple of days ago to clean it, but did not put it back on. That was a "whoa" moment for me. I would never keep it off long, so to realize I didn't put it right back on kind of floored me. I have had a very difficult time with the thought of not wearing my ring. It signified so much to me and not have it on meant I was giving up that one thing I was holding onto that symbolized I was still a wife. It may seem like one of those small things, until you actually have do it. 

 Nick and I had a conversation about my ring and what He wanted me to do with it. It's weird I can remember having that conversation, and thinking I am hearing what your saying, but I can't imagine that point and time taking place in my life, but it has. 

Nick and Aaron had gone together to pick out the ring, which made it even more special. Nick gave it to me for our 15th wedding anniversary. So, we decided together that if that time ever came that I would pass on that "symbol of love" to our son Aaron, knowing one day he will give it to someone special who will enjoy it as much as I have. You have no idea the joy that fills my heart with! 

 With every hurdle that I face in this journey I gain new perspectives on so many things. Hopefully the moments of pain and heartache in our lives will leave a footprint of compassion, mercy and grace in our hearts and we can help others around us that may face similar trials. Until my husband became ill, I had no idea how the heart of a caretaker felt, and it wasn't until ten months ago that I was able to relate to the grieving heart of a widow. We all face challenges that will hopefully help mold us into someone stronger, someone more mature, more wiser...someone God sees us becoming.

 James 2-4 (MSG) Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

Blessings,

Tammy