Aug 23th, 2012

I felt like it was time to clean out "the" closet...Nick's closet. I knew he wanted his clothes donated to a charity that would get good use of them. How did I know this? Because in true Nick style he made it known! I had contemplated doing this a while back, but I just wasn't quite ready. I have taken a few things down here and there around the house. I think I do it little by little, trying to fool myself into thinking I am not really changing or removing things that have to do with him.

I started off strong! With each folded shirt, a memory would come to my mind of Nick wearing it. This tall, handsome man looking so debanaire and smiling that contagious smile of his. Folding his ties, I would remember how many of them were Father's Day gifts from the kids. His favorite pair of jeans that I threatened to throw away on many occasions.The sweater vest phase! Just so many memories. It was kind of nice to reminisce a bit, think about the good times, and see his face so clearly. As I continued to pack things up I would often hear his laugh echoing in my head.

 I had packed it all up, labeled and placed by the front door, then I turned back to look at it all... I felt that lump in my throat and my eyes began to water up as I realized I had packed up a closet full of wonderful memories. It wasn't about the clothes, it was about the man that wore them. 

Sometimes my life tends to get a little out of whack. Whose doesn't, right? I cannot express to you how doing things like this will put things back into focus for me. As small as this may seem to some, it is huge to a widow who is striving to move forward and find her new place in a new life, even seventeen months later. It takes a lot of mental and emotional strength to tackle things like this. But, I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. (Phil 4:13) Amen!

After I folded and packed those clothes my heart begin to grieve over a perspective that I seemed to have lost. It is something I have known, yet I am ashamed to admit I still let it elude me from time to time.  That perspective is a constant awareness that this life is fleeting. We are not guaranteed our next breath. Every moment we have is a true gift from our King of Kings and we should be living accordingly.

But what makes that so hard to remember? Life is full of distractions, stresses and just stuff. That's why it is important to lead a God first life by thanking and praising Him continuously, especially during the storms. Seeking out and searching God's approval only, and not that of man. Finding your freedom in Christ is a priceless treasure and can bring you a peace and acceptance in yourself like nothing else can. But it is called a "daily walk" for a reason! Placing God above all else in your life is the most rewarding daily habit you can have and can help you to live your life to the fullest.

 "Live not one's life as though one had a thousand years, but live each day as the last." --Marcus Aurelius

 "So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12 

Thank you family and friends for continuing on this journey with me. Your support means so much to me and your encouragement is always a blessing. 

In His Name,

Tammy 

August 17th, 2012

Most of us have probably heard one or more of these sayings before: "Change is good," "The more things change, the more they stay the same," "Change is coming," or "Embrace the change!" 

Yes, change is inevitable, and we will all face it to some degree in our lives. Often times it can be welcomed and much needed, while other times it can swoop in, turn your world upside down and leave you wondering what happened. Sometimes we bring about the changes, but not always. 

I have definitely had my share of changes over the last several years. I have to say as I look back, those changes were life transformations for me. I was one of those people that did not welcome change in my life with open arms. I was content with just being who I was, thinking everything was good, and that there was no need to rock the boat. But friends, God saw me and my life much differently. He knew the changes that were coming. He saw the crossroad I would be standing at long before I even had a hint of anything. 

 I had two choices once that storm hit in my own life. I could have become very bitter and just turned away from everything good. I could have allowed the enemy to grab a hold of me and run. I could have just given up. But something began to change in me, a peace that I had never felt before flooded my heart and soul, so I chose to cling to that peace and the One who brought it to me. It wasn't, nor is it always easy. But with all the changes I had to continually face, there was One constant source of love, peace and grace: Jesus! 

Hebrews 13:8 tell us that Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Because I had come to know this truth I began to embrace the changes taking place in me. I knew I would not always like the changes in my life, but I had to get through them to get to the point God wanted me at. And as I always confess to you I am a constant work in progress. The Bible tells us that when we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we should change. (2 Corinthians 5:17 NLT  "This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!") Does this mean we are not going to sin or life is going to be perfect? No, it means we have a fresh start to begin our new life in Christ and strive to become better and have a real heart transformation. 

I don't know what changes you may be facing. It may be the loss of job, divorce, financial difficulties, illness...the list can be endless really. You could be standing at that same crossroad that I stood at, wondering where to go? Who to turn to? I want to encourage you to embrace the change that God is wanting to set forth in you. Get with a friend, open your Bible and begin to read. Find a church and get plugged in or get on your knees and just begin to open your heart and talk to God. Many of these were all changes I needed to make in my own life.     

My prayer in sharing with you all is never to sound "preachy" but only to share about my own hurts and struggles and how choosing to walk closer with my Heavenly Father has been the biggest and most welcomed change of my life.  

I love, appreciate and pray for you all. 

Blessings Always,

Tammy