December 22nd, 2011

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. 
Lamentations 3:22-26

As I looked back to my blog last Christmas, I had ended it with these verses. There was so much encouragement to be found in those words then, and even more so now. 

Family and friends, it is so hard to believe that we are coming up on Christmas, and that it was almost a year ago when we spent that day at Mayo. Little did I know that would be my last time ever leaving this house with Nick by my side. 

It is hard to put into words all that I have experienced this year. I have accomplished things that I never thought I could. I learned how to manage a household, made some important decisions on my own, got a great job writing, and even put my own gas in the tank (that's a joke, even though Nick used to always do it for me)! Could it be that I am becoming independent?  Some of you may read this and think, "What in the world, I have been doing that stuff forever!" But the truth of it is, Nick took care of everything! So these things are kind of a big deal for me! 

As I have written before, there are many times I am sad, lonely, and my heart is breaking in two from missing Nick so much, but there are also those times of joy, hope, laughter, and excitement about what God has in store for me. I have a future, one that I look forward to with great anticipation, a future filled with the love of my family, friends and my Heavenly Father. He has and continues to refine me through the fires in my life.I keep telling myself God has big plans for me! 

I have gained appreciation for so much that seemed so unimportant a year ago. I am grateful to be accepted for who I am, flaws included, while also being able to learn to love the flaws in others. The passing of my dear husband, has taught me many of these invaluable life lessons and has forever changed who I am. I pray it is all for the better. 

As we near our first Christmas without Nick, I cannot help but to think back to last year and remember how much pain and suffering he was going through. I find myself feeling relieved, knowing that he no longer has to endure that.  I know he is experiencing a true CHRISTmas in Heaven.

We want to wish you all very Merry Christmas! I encourage those who have lost someone they love to celebrate and start new traditions with the family and friends that are here with you now, while reflecting on wonderful memories of years past. 

"Then the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy
which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior,
who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths,
lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly
host praising God and saying: Glory to God in the highest,
And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!"
[Luke 2:10 - 15]

Blessings,

Tammy