January 29th, 2012

As I begin to write this blog and share my heart, I think what truly makes this day so difficult is that feeling of knowing that we have been without Nick for a year already, and that this time last year was the last time that we said goodbye, the last time we saw him and touched him, and the last time we were able to be with him in this life. I weep when I think about what a great man we lost, but also shed tears of joy for the peaceful eternity that I know he is basking in. 

I wanted to share with you all that something that happened this week. In my heart, something that I feel was truly a God given gift.  I attended a "celebration" last week to say goodbye to a  friend that had passed at the same young age as my husband, and to pay my respects to the family. As I sat in that sweet, intimate church, I listened to a wonderful preacher as he began to speak a word of hope and encouragement. I began to realize that there was another reason that I had been led there. 

As his message continued on, I realized that in addition to thinking about my dear friend, I was thinking about my man. I knew Nick would be telling all of us those exact words the pastor spoke: "Don't worry about me, I am doing just fine. Know that we will see each other again one day." I left there that night with a heart full of peace and thankfulness as I knew God had used that service to fill me with precious words of hope and sweet visions of Nick in heaven.  

I think as we reflect and remember Nick today, he would want us to remember him as a dedicated husband and father who loved his family and friends with all his heart and soul. He was a man who wasn't afraid to work hard, a man with a smile that could light up any room, a man with a great sense of humor (I miss that so much), but most of all a strong and loving man of God.

 Each of you will have your own memories of Nick and how he touched your lives in a very special way, honor those memories today, and as you do I hope you can hear Nick's voice saying "Please don't worry about me, I am doing just fine, and I look forward to seeing you all again one day."

   

 Thank you to those who have walked hand in hand on this journey with us over this last year and never let go. Your love, your prayers, and your presence in our lives will never be forgotten. I want to also thank Trey Fenwick, who made this amazing video that is such an honorable tribute to our family. It is a priceless treasure that we will always hold dear. Be sure to play the video above. 

 One of my favorite quotes over the past year has been "Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal". I can testify to this again and again. 

In the multitudes of my (anxious) thoughts within me, Your comforts cheer and delight my soul! Psalm 94:19  (first entry of my first blog on May 7th, 2010). 

Blessings Always, 

Tammy

Guest Book

My morning routine usually consists of the cup of coffee and checking emails. The first email I noticed this morning read guestbook for Nicholas Badida. It was a notification from Legacy.com that the online guest book will expire Feb 1st. 


I guess I had not really read all the posts. My heart is so full right now. I cannot express how much reading those words meant to me.Legacy gives you the option to print out the guest book, which I will do. I would love for my future grandchildren to read all the wonderful things that others saw in Nick. 


I know there are many that probably did not get an opportunity to sign it, so I will post the link and if you feel led to, you can. 


Thank you for your prayers over our family this week.


Blessings, 


Tammy


http://www.legacy.com/guestbook/timesunion/guestbook.aspx?n=nicholas-badida&pid=148275819&eid=lc_gbexpire

January 19th, 2012

I wonder if sometimes God allows us to see these sufferings in preparation for letting go when that time comes and hope of easing the pain a bit (from a Jan. 19th, 2011 blog). I think back to those fleeting moments as we sat in hospice last January and just how special they truly were. The peacefulness in the room, the precious time spent with the kids and really feeling God's hand on every single moment. The calm days where you could hear nothing but the wind chimes outside the window and the worship music playing softly on the radio. I can remember being oblivious to the outside world. For that moment in time my world was inside that room. 


It is hard to fathom that it has been almost a year without Nick here. The kids and I have survived so much, holidays, birthdays, and anniversary's. The Lord has brought joy in the midst of days that I thought would be impossible to get through and we are so grateful. But for some reason the thought of coming up on a year without this man who was such an incredible husband and devoted father is probably the hardest thing to face yet. It may sound strange, but it just feels like such finality. Part of me longs to reach and pass that one year date, while part of me struggles with the sadness and heartache of how that day changed our lives forever and how we lost a big piece of our heart. 


As I reflect back I know we have come a long way with healing through our grief, and although we may not grieve as much, the times that we do are always like a wound being re-opened. Through it all I know God is restoring things in our lives. I can see it and my heart feels it. We are making new memories, creating new traditions, but at the same time remembering Nick in all that we do. That day, January 29th will come, the day I last said goodbye and gently kissed my man on his forehead, watching as he peacefully slipped away to meet his Heavenly Father and experience an eternal life that is far greater than anything we could ever imagine.....and that my sweet family and friends is what gives me the divine peace and comfort to endure it all. Amen! 


Much love and many blessings, 


Tammy 

January 10th, 2012

Hey friends,

 I hope you are all having a great start to 2012!

 I want to give a big thank you for those who have showed their support to FACES! This is far more than a project for me it is a true labor of love. I have had many inquiries as to when the first story will be going up. I am shooting for February 1st. Since posting the logo this past Sunday I am thrilled at the number of requests I have already received and I feel so blessed that I am going to be able to share these inspirational stories with you all. Please contact me if you or someone you know would like to share their story on FACES.

I have a couple of reasons for not posting the first story until February. First and foremost it gives me the opportunity to write a blog in honor of Nick as we approach the one year anniversary of his passing. I can hardly believe it. My heart is so heavy as I think about that day. Although, the vision of Nick eternally resting in the radiant light of his Saviour is comforting to me, I am still so sad. Plain and simply I miss him so much. I cannot help but think about Aaron graduating this year and how Nick used to just pray to be able to make it to see that day. I know he will be with us in spirit on that day, but I have to be honest there is that little selfish part of me that wants him in that seat beside me, holding my hand and sharing in that precious moment. I do know when that day gets here it will be full of so much joy and celebration and our hearts will be filled with happiness just the way Nick would want it. In fact, I think he would insist on it!

I will post a blog on January 29th that will include the tribute video that was played at Nick's memorial. I know that many friends near and far that could not make it to his service, would love to see it and it would be my joy to share it with you all. It will be my privilege to be able to write a blog about my man on the day the Lord called him home.

"Practice trusting Me during the quiet days, when nothing much seems to be happening. Then when storms come, your trust balance will be sufficient to see you through. Store up for yourself treasure in Heaven, through placing your trust in Me. This practice will keep you in my peace."--Jesus Calling Devotional

Much love and many blessings,

Tammy

January 3rd, 2012

Happy New Year everyone! I am looking forward to 2012 with so much hope and anticipation.

I have received several responses and questions about my last blog and my new venture. I cannot tell you how my heart jumps out of my chest every time I take a step forward on this. I do feel led to help others in their journey of "learning to live," and that is where F.A.C.E.S. (Fighting Against Cancer with Extraordinary Strength) comes in. I love to write, and I know the part it has played in my healing over the past year, so nothing thrills my heart more than to know I can help someone else on their journey through telling their story. 

I think pretty much every nightly prayer over the last year has included asking God for His guidance and direction in my life, for Him to show me the way and for doors of opportunity to be opened. F.A.C.E.S. has ignited a fire in my heart and a drive in me that I haven't felt for a long time. I never thought of myself in this role. I was terrified to approach anything that had to do with cancer after losing Nick. That's why I know the Lord must have His hand over this, because that fear has been replaced with a desire to reach out and grab the hand of others who have been on or are on a life-changing path that involves cancer.   

F.A.C.E.S. will highlight inspirational stories of men and woman who have cancer, have fought cancer, or have lost someone to cancer. I want their stories to portray the beauty, fight, and determination of  learning to live through their struggles and put a face with their story. I have learned sometimes the real stories are often shared through the expressions of the laughter and the tears. These will be real stories of hope from ordinary people who are becoming extraordinary through their journey. 

I will feature the stories here, just like I do my own personal updates (and will continue to do that from time to time). I hope to have the first F.A.C.E.S. story up within the next couple of weeks. You may know of someone that has an inspirational story to share, if so, I would love to connect with them. 

As always thank you for your continued support it means so much to me. 

Blessings Always,

Tammy